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accepting your hard coding

Cross gender expression is often seen as most negative by the people who know the least about it. My sister who is deeply devout Catholic used to see it as an obsessive and sexually driven behaviour. I pleaded for her to become educated in the subject but instead she would point me to religious zealots or repentant ex-dressers who said they had been cured.

Invariably I would scratch the surface of these writings and immediately find the weak points and spell them out for her. Often the people most objectionable were the least educated on the topic and astonishingly biased to begin with. Most had an axe to grind.

For the better part of two years, my sister kept trying to make me see the light. But it wasn’t until she herself found the website of Chris Pagani the transgendered artist that she began to have her epiphany and realise that there was more than met the eye. Chris not only thoroughly explains her life long struggle with gender dysphoria but does so such much eloquence and convincing candour that you are hard pressed to ignore it.

My sister was the one who actually found her site and offered it to me as a great resource. She is now far more educated on the topic of dysphoria.

As I have said here recently, not all cross gender expression is rooted in the same causes and what one finds disruptive and unsettling about it in their own lives, another finds comfort, peace and joy.

Harry Benjamin was famously quoted as saying that “The transvestite has a social problem” and he was entirely correct. It is not the individual that has the problem but the reaction everyone else has to it. Once that obstacle is removed, the individual can truly be themselves and relax. However if your wife, children and extended family ostracize you, there will of course be repercussions of guilt and shame that will be felt. A desire for a cure will be first and foremost on that person’s mind.

This was my life before I came to be myself and the struggle that brought me to begin this blog. It was a hard fought battle but very worthwhile for it allowed me to look under every rock and every cranny to get to the core of argument. I needed to read Benjamin and Vitale and get to the science and forget the crackpots.

Eliminating my fears and preconceived notions was instrumental and in the process of finding who I was came the end of a marriage. However, it turned out to be the best solution for all. My 16 year old daughter recently told me that she could not envision nor desire to see her mother and I back together and I could not have agreed with her more but in my darkest moments I could never have envisioned this truth. She knows I dress and could care less; so does my son.

This condition is hard wired in a great many of us and accepting it and dealing with it positively is the only way to a successful and happy existence.





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