my story with N

N and I met on a diving platform in the middle of a lake in 1987. She was a tall and beautiful brunette in the white bathing suit with the cottage that faced my friend's. When I saw her for the first time I was smitten.

After dating for a summer, I unceremoniously stopped calling her as I was about to re enter my third year of university. It's hard to understand in retrospect why I did that back then but I think I chalked it up in my mind as not being sufficiently interested in committing to someone while trying to complete a difficult technical program which required my undivided attention. My gender issues were of course still very much unacknowledged at that time.

Several years later she was married and any ideas I may have harboured about looking her up again were put to rest. I myself took my marriage vows by the mid 1990's and then domestic life with two children soon took over.

22 years later while browsing on Facebook and found her page. By this time we were both divorced. I asked her to meet me and after some hesitation she agreed. Now here we are five years later still together and she is just as beautiful as she was then. She is progressive and understanding and I am very fortunate to have her in my life.

To borrow a phrase from Thirdwaytrans, my "erotic imprinting" does not allow me to have normal relations with her and yet she still loves me and I love her. She has struggled with depression while I have had to battle with gender dysphoria but who doesn't have their issues.

Now here we are in middle age sharing our lives and allowing me to unequivocally state that I am living proof that a person like me can reinvent themselves and find love.


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