I call it a monster because it sneaks up on you when you least expect it and beckons you to mull over transition as a more desireable option to dealing with dysphoria. I know enough about this topic now not to be convinced and do not trust that inner voice. As strong as the feelings can be sometimes all I need do is feed them with some Joanna time.
I see my gender dysphoria like a little loose wire in my brain. Every once in a while it disconnects itself and has you thinking something that may not be in your best interest.
I was doing a count the other day of approximately how many people know me and accept me as a woman and it numbered over 50. These include merchants and acquaintances that I see on a semi-regular basis. Without this safety valve of mine I might be well on my way towards transition as the pressure would be too much to bear.
Janet filled that need all too well yesterday as we sat for our morning coffee after the 8:00 AM service. Afterwards I went to have breakfast with N and proceeded to have a wonderful day with her.
If someone had asked me 10 years ago if I could imagine my life like this I would have said they were insane but then here I am and it works just fine.