Skip to main content

becoming more visible

Finding a practical comfort zone as a transgender person is not simple. Even if we say to ourselves that we should just not care about what others think we do because we are human. We seek approval and want to be loved and accepted; ideally while being able to present in a way that we are comfortable.

The world naturally and viscerally rejects the concept of a transgender person. Why? because it is confusing, to some visually disturbing and a foreign experience to most people. They simply cannot relate to the feelings that have always been part of our lives.

These constraints force us into a situation where we must literally ignore what people think of us because (simply put) a lot of people are going to disapprove of you. Many in your own family and circle of friends will not understand why you are doing this to yourself (and to them).

Therefore what is going to need to happen is that enough transgender people live openly thus becoming an unavoidable fact of life. People need to see us day in and day out and eventually realize that we don’t form part of an evil conspiracy. We go to our jobs, we see our friends and we want the same things out of life that they do.

There are enough activists out there now that the tide has truly begun to turn but I think it will take at least another generation before we are accepted as part of the fabric of society. To be where gays and lesbians are now will take at least that long.

In the grand scheme of history that is not a very long time at all.

I am doing what I can at my age while realizing that I am towards the tail end of a career that has seen me as a male for its entirety. However I don’t care if I am recognized on the street by someone who knows me and would be happy to explain. I don’t deny myself the right to go anywhere with the exception that in either mode I am not likely to go clubbing at 1 am. It’s just not the type of person I am.

When you get to an internal comfort zone you know it. It’s a peaceful feeling that you are honouring you right to present yourself in a way that you feel comfortable. If that method is to live partially as a male and partially as a female then so be it. No one has the right to define that for you.

In the province of Quebec you can now change your gender marker and name to reflect your own sense of identity without necessarily having undergone HRT treatments or reassignment surgery. The government has recognized that gender identity is less about plumbing than about how you feel and how you wish to express yourself.

No most people won't be lining up to make these changes, but for the little fraction of the population for whom this is important, it makes all the difference in the world.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not). When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it. I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while. Be well all of you.... sample pages...

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We