the difference between need and want

During my first forays into the transgender community and my attempts to find people like me I remember meeting Brandy online. He lived in the province next door and we emailed each other a couple of times before the contact was unceremoniously dropped.

Then one day N and I were in a clothing boutique and suddenly there was Brandy crossdressed with his partner in the same store. Not being certain it was the same person I nevertheless mentioned to him that I did the same thing. Suddenly we were in a brief 4 way conversation and we ended up exchanging emails and promising to make contact in the future.

Several months passed and they were to return to Montreal. This time they proposed a dinner to which I agreed and I met them at our agreed location. The evening went well and the conversation flowed relatively well but I knew that Brandy and I were not the same. He suffered no gender dysphoria and this was more entertainment than anything else to him. Perhaps it was a desire to express himself in a different guise and he did not crossdress nearly as often as I did.

The evening ended and we agreed it might be nice to meet again should they return.

More months went by and during one email exchange I pointed to my blog. I surmised later that this may have scared Brandy off because there was no further contact. But it was not that surprising to me given the initial meeting and the feeling that we really weren't at all the same animal

Its funny because given the type of conservative person I am, if the roles were reversed I would not be doing what Brandy does.

I suppose that is the difference between need and want.


  1. I have noticed over the years that some who are transexual not only do not relate to those who cross-dress, but have great difficulty with them. This should not be surprising for I have experienced people who have empathy and an open mind in perhaps an equal number as people who have neither.
    There is no reason why it should be any different with our community.
    Fear that we might meet some of the latter should not keep us from expressing ourselves, but sadly, for many that fear is too great.

  2. It's good to have an open mind Halle. I found Brandy pleasant enough but perhaps my being dysphoric represented something he could not relate to. In the end it did not matter all that much to me nor did it surprise me too much...

  3. I co-host a monthly TG lunch here. You're right about the lack of dysphoria in what I refer to as "career crossdressers". I say that with absolutely no malice but as a way to distinguish between some self-declared crossdressers I have met and others.

    Since I have met a few hundred transgender types via these lunches, it really has given me a nice mental database of the entire spectrum. I remember one crossdresser who compared the thrill of crossdressing to the days when he was landing jets on aircraft carriers. Absolutely no dysphoria here and he would fall under what I refer to as a "career crossdresser". On the other hand, there are others - many others - I have met who come to these lunches, referring to themselves as crossdressers but I also sense the dysphoris. Indeed, after a few years some of those have transitioned, adding some credibility to the old joke about the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual.....2 years.

    Calie xxx

    1. Without the dysphoria I don't think I would ever think to start crossdressing as a hobby. I suppose its possible to look at it as something one does I suppose. But like I said in my blog entry I would not dress once in a while for fun the way he did. More than likely I wouldn't do it at all.


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