befriending your dysphoria
My dysphoria is not about wanting to remove all vestiges of maleness. Instead it’s always been about being drawn to being a woman. Don’t ask me how that idea got there, it's just been present from earliest memory. Part of my life journey has been about rejecting and then ultimately repatriating this difference of ours. Something I was happy to express while I was little but which was removed via the public shaming that inevitably comes with our socialization. I don't have the slightest doubt that this draw towards being female will continue to exist in me until my dying days and that it forms part of my intrinsic wiring. The reason I refer to it as dysphoria is because in the text book sense that is what it is: the desire to be the other sex. However that pull can be channeled in other ways and have it serve your purpose. I am fortunate that despite my stature I do pass relatively well. But even if I didn’t, my age and life confidence compensates for any fears I might hav