Some rare couples buck the trend and what I surmise is that the woman was able to get past the external wrapping and look at the person underneath. To be frank I don’t think I could do it myself so I am in awe of those who can do this. It must take a huge adjustment and I am certain it’s not like flipping a switch in the brain.
Some of you are in the throes of this sensitive adjustment period right now while others don’t even dare to broach the subject with their spouse for fear of outright rejection. I don’t presume to advise anyone here.
What I do know is that suppression for you as a dysphoric does not lead to a good outcome. I mentioned recently that the ageing process tends to liberate you and removes the social barriers that held you back. When this happens you are more than likely going to want to act on years of keeping things bottled inside.
I feel terrible for spouses because in our attempts to stem the tide that is our dysphoria, we are actually doing them a disservice. Better to come out and tell it like it is. But we were raised during a time when being our true selves was not an option so we came to genuinely believe that we could to win over our dysphoria. We couldn't have been more wrong.
My ex-spouse and I are on better terms today and we can communicate about our kids in a pragmatic way without arguing. It wasn’t that long ago that we couldn’t be in the same room for more than a few minutes at a time. I would like if she could find someone to make her happy one day especially since our two are getting older and more independent.
When I reflect back I think I gave her a stable life but in some ways she was sharing it with a complete stranger.