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Netherworld

I inhabit a netherworld.

On the old Harry Benjamin scale I am fairly certain I would be classified as a non surgical transsexual; otherwise known as a type IV. Therefore I have had to think long and hard about what to do about my dysphoria. The conclusion has not come easily.

I have spiritual and philosophical objections to tampering with my body but even if that were not the case, my dysphoria is not potent enough to demand a physical correction.

This makes your life more complex in some ways because you reside between genders and cope the best way you can. That coping mechanism took me decades to find but find it I did.

It's important to know yourself and weigh what will truly make you happy but if you think you inhabit the same grey zone that I do, you need to then find a balance that works to moderate your dysphoria. If it were so simple it would not take as long as it does. Your obstacles will include your own lack of self acceptance, that of your family as well as pockets of society.

If you are currently struggling with this weighty subject, resolve to take steps this new year to come out and get help. You might find that coming out is not nearly as bad as you feared and even if it is at least you will have embarked on your first steps towards living honestly.

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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…