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what you deserve

I think that any partner worth having would understand our situation. I really do.

No I am not talking about suddenly announcing that you are a woman and need to have gender reassignment surgery after 20 years of marriage. I am talking more about accepting that you are a transgender person and want to be able to accommodate that within the context of a partnership.

I think that the truly right person would be able to understand that this is not a choice for us and would do the best to accommodate provided we did the same.

Some of us are in this type of couple arrangement but most are not. Many are in the closet hoping not to be found out while feeling the pressure of dysphoria increasing as we age. Not an easy thing to live with.

My marriage did not survive my coming out but in retrospect it could not have worked out better. I hope she feels the same and now that we have been divorced for 7 years the animosity is all gone and we can talk again like normal adults about the lives of our children.

I am now with an understanding partner who I love dearly.

It is possible to find a balance point to a seemingly unresolvable situation but when I was in my most desperate times I could not see the doorway out. I clung to a marriage that did not work and thought that this would be the best thing for all involved.

I could not have been more wrong.

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love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…