No I am not talking about suddenly announcing that you are a woman and need to have gender reassignment surgery after 20 years of marriage. I am talking more about accepting that you are a transgender person and want to be able to accommodate that within the context of a partnership.
I think that the truly right person would be able to understand that this is not a choice for us and would do the best to accommodate provided we did the same.
Some of us are in this type of couple arrangement but most are not. Many are in the closet hoping not to be found out while feeling the pressure of dysphoria increasing as we age. Not an easy thing to live with.
My marriage did not survive my coming out but in retrospect it could not have worked out better. I hope she feels the same and now that we have been divorced for 7 years the animosity is all gone and we can talk again like normal adults about the lives of our children.
I am now with an understanding partner who I love dearly.
It is possible to find a balance point to a seemingly unresolvable situation but when I was in my most desperate times I could not see the doorway out. I clung to a marriage that did not work and thought that this would be the best thing for all involved.
I could not have been more wrong.