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we're so very sorry...

I know I’m pretty lucky. I live alone and have a girlfriend who knows and understands about Joanna even if she doesn’t necessarily need to see her.

Sometimes I read about marriages and partnerships where we are barely tolerated. That makes a lot of sense if you sprung this on someone after a number of years of marriage but not if they knew from the outset. Perhaps we tend to very overly apologetic over this issue because of all those years of self-rejection and hence slip back into that mode once we get some pushback.

I have told N before that if it came down to her or my mental health that I would have little choice but to pick the latter. She understands this because she has witnessed my struggle and how long it took me to get where I am today. I would never give that power to someone else to choose my life for me.

What it comes down to is this: is this a game or is this part of who you are? If it’s the latter then you have little choice but to honour it or risk damaging your psyche.

We worry ourselves sick that the neighbors might see us leaving our house in a dress and I cannot help but want to roll my eyes when I read that in someone's blog. But then I rethink that urge because it wasn’t all that long ago I used to sweat the very same thing.


Comments

  1. You state "I would never give that power to someone else to choose my life for me". I presume that is true today. Is it also true that this has not been the case all along.

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