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we don't need permission but....

It's important to have skin like an elephant; in fact it's mandatory.

People are supportive or people are repulsed and nothing can be done about it. You cannot convert and educate everyone but you need to live. That takes resolve and courage.

Despite everything I've been through in my life I consider myself very fortunate. I can go about the world and not be bothered but not everyone has that flexibility. My aim is not to preach but to thrive in spite of the challenges.

A good start is by not being our own worst enemies.

On the other hand I become troubled when I see someone pop up and suddenly announce on social media that they are a woman and leave wife and children in utter bewilderment . It makes the rest of us who are trying to do the right thing look bad and I take my responsibilities seriously.

Gender dysphoria is not kind that way and it demands attention. It is like a car with no breaks but it can be steered at least. Those of us who are more conventional don't make the headlines as much but we represent the silent majority.

I no longer seek my family's permission to be myself I only ask for their understanding which I am lucky to have.

But then here is one of those frightful train wrecks that the media loves....


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When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

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While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…