I take up the challenge

I decided to take up Calie’s challenge and write a blog post about why some people stop going out dressed after a while. This issue was brought up in her introduction to a T-Central featured post from the “All About My Lucy” blog. I have no doubt that the answer relates back to the gender spectrum and how some people use crossdressing as fun and are not gender dysphoric. Sometimes the two worlds blend but they aren’t the same thing at all.

This was brought home to me a few years ago when I went out with a crossdresser and his wife. The evening was fun and full of interesting conversation but as time wore on I began to realize that there were major differences between this person and myself. For me this was an issue of identity versus for him a social and perhaps sexual turn on which he shared with his wife. They might go out a few times a year like this and then put “her” back in a suitcase.

I am a borderline transsexual and nothing will ever change that. After 54 years of existence I know it deep in my bones.

Gender dysphoric people cannot turn this on and off like a faucet because it is part of their everyday reality. You think about it every day of your existence and it never goes away. People who are not can put on a dress and go out for an evening and then not think about it again for months. My entire life has been about wishing I could do that and it is also why self-acceptance took me so long to achieve. I am one of the last people you would have seen voluntarily and just for fun go out for an evening on the town in a dress if I weren't for the way I am. Dressing is a way for me to cope.

Those who are like me will understand my words very well.


  1. Quite, a far too serious thing to just play with and be thought to be playing with it... All or nothing.

  2. I totally understand your point of view, and echo much of it, although there were large parts of my life when I did not think about my gender every day, or even every week, but it always came back. There is a big difference between the "Recreational Cross Dresser" and the Trans person who can only express their gender identity through the clothes they choose to wear, yet often most of us have had periods of self disgust which in turn led to rejection and purges, meaning no "dress up" for some time. Only for the need to return.

    This is an area that maybe requires a little more of my consideration, I amy even follow your example!

  3. Thank you for your comments in response to my blog. I didn't expect this particular bit to be featured as it was just an observation about girls we used to socialise with years ago. I'm not sure that these people are the same as you... I think one person who had a bad turn health wise is suppressing it for the sake of their wife, another is a depressive and I think this was something to blame the depression on and was a release but not necessarily how they really felt (but again maybe suppressing it) and as for the others I don't really know..... however this is all supposition. All I do know is that Lucy and I always thought we were in a different place to them so maybe they are just like yourself. If you have read my blog you will know that over the years Lucy went through supressing everything for everyone else and it all coming back time and time again as I always knew it would. I have learnt so much over the years of being with and supporting Lucy and understand so much more these days.

  4. I do agree that what drives crossdressers is different that what drives transsexuals or the gender dysphoric (frankly, I maintain they are one and the same).

    I've used this example before, but in a conversation with one of my many CD friends, he mentioned that going out dressed en femme is the same kind of rush he used to get landing jets on aircraft carriers.

    Yes, there is a difference....

  5. Thanks to all of you for your very insightful comments. I do very much believe that dysphoria is graded but yet not everyone who crossdresses is dysphoric. This particular fellow wasn't which was made very clear to me during our time together. There are many people who call themselves c rossdressers who are actually latent transsexuals.


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