Skip to main content

guilt is wasted energy

Answer me one question: do you think you are responsible for your transgender feelings?

If you are anything like me, I know you have spent countless hours reflecting on this and, if you answer it truly honestly, it is probably no. The fact that you are even reading this post is that you’ve known for a long time that you're trans.

So the next question that begs asking is: why would you feel guilt over something that is out of your control?

I used to suffer from guilt because I felt, for the longest time, entirely responsible for creating this reality of ours. Once liberated from these chains my mind has returned to a razor sharpness that is analogous to unblocking a clogged drain.

I have come to the full realisation that feeling guilt over being trans is like experiencing culpability over having brown eyes.

Liberating yourself allows for clear thinking which makes the next stage of reflection possible. No matter where you are on the spectrum you can then find a resting point and feel entirely at ease with who you are.

Don’t waste any more of your precious energy.


Comments

  1. Once we realize that we are not responsible for being trans (which is easier today with the internet versus growing up in the 70s), the guilt more likely comes from not being able to control the expression of our transness rather than simply being trans.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are indeed not responsible and can then proceed accordingly to find the right balance of gender expression that works for you. This can of course proceed to transition if need be..

      Delete
  2. I've never felt guilt, but tremendous shame. Thankfully, as Leanna pointed out, we have so much more information and support at our fingertips now. That, combined with much study, reflection, and therapy, have helped me understand that I am transgender naturally... it's just part of who I am. I've been coming out recently to family and friends who have largely been accepting and supportive. And guess what? My shame is almost gone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You will find the level of acceptance much better than you might first think Emma. The worst part are those closest in children and spouses and there results run the gamut

      Delete
  3. True insight. Glad you reached this point. I think many (if not most) people who feel guilt initially are internalizing external intolerance of non-conformity and accompanying social opprobrium. We have to shed that for our mental health.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I had not shed that I would literally be in an insane asylum today Shybiker...

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…