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when you don't need any holes filled

I do not believe that it is possible for a fully realized transgender person to have a normal life and that includes a relationship with a female. This does not mean that some forms of relationships are not possible but they must by necessity be unconventional because you are dealing with a situation that is, by its very nature, wholly unconventional.

I still sometimes read narratives where the transgender person is disillusioned when their love life evaporates at the announcement of their imminent transition but they are being disingenuous because they know fully well that the reverse scenario would not be acceptable to them.

For me the inherent value of being able to be fully myself for the first time is worth more than any potential comfort that a close relationship would bring and I know that, unless it was the absolute perfect match for someone like me, it would involve some sort of suppression of what makes me whole.

But I don’t say this with despondence because I know all too well the ups and downs of being with someone and there is good and bad in any scenario. I am old enough to have melted away the idealism of youth that promotes the idea of partnering as panacea for all that ills us. Perhaps it is what nature requires for the survival of our species.

When you have removed the procreation from the equation what is left is companionship which, at my age, would now require a deep connection of the mind and soul; a formula not so easily found. So much so in fact that it cannot be sought out but must necessarily make its way to you.

I am now in the position of not needing to compromise who I am in order to find companionship and can set the terms and conditions that I will accept. Having spent far too many years working around being transgender in order to please everyone else, it is now time to please myself.

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