If you have spent most of your life being conditioned to live life as a male using a mold that doesn't fit you there is no point trying to shoehorn yourself into it; believe me I tried. At a certain point in time you just come to a complete self-realization and become yourself.
I am 54 years old and more than half my life is over but I don’t say that with the least bit of despondence for it is merely a fact. Fortunately my failed marriage yielded my pride and joy which are my two beautiful almost grown children whose company (as limited as it is at their age) I very much enjoy.
Those of us who are older often need to go to therapy to undo the baggage we have amassed along the way and for me it was writing this blog which helped save me. Those who helped contribute to it and also challenged me (yes that includes you AQV) were instrumental in my journey towards healing my psyche.
Now I have found a formula that works and also takes into account the life commitments which includes working in the same challenging sphere for a few more years.
But at least my load is so much lighter and I have a spring in my step which makes the world of difference.
Madeline Wyndzen has a wonderful website and in one of her personal reflection essays she writes the following:
"As you've read my questions and comments to help you clarify your choices, you may have decided you really are a transsexual or you really aren't a transsexual. But I hope you'll consider rethinking about your decision in another way. It's doesn't really matter if you are or aren't a transsexual. You are you! And people can redefine transsexual so it means just about anything! There are even many psychologists who define transsexual solely as somebody who transitions. That's it. And it's possible for people to get caught up in debates about if they "really are a transsexual." But the real question, and the only question, you need to answer is this: what path for your life will let you be happy?"