getting past the fear

An identity is far more than about clothing and those of us who went through phases where we thought we were “just crossdressers” understand this very well. It was perhaps a way to deny that deep down there was far more to this than first met the eye only we dare not admit it to ourselves.

Most of the older transgender people I know advanced to a greater and deeper personal understanding once they began to be honest with themselves. The next step then became coming to terms with the depth of the feelings. Those who moved on to social, partial or full transitions sometimes only varied by circumstances such as finances, spousal situation or religious beliefs and indeed transgender people in past centuries could only dream about the possibilities of transition.

Regardless of what you ever called yourself or identified as, many of us surprised ourselves with the knowledge that we were further along on the spectrum than we first thought. The main reason for this was undoubtedly fear based; at least this was the case for me; fear of rejection, of ridicule and of being found out.

As this fear slowly gives way to self-understanding, I have found that a certain peace takes over and calms the turbulent seas; giving you more sense of purpose and allowing for clearer focus on what you need to do next.


Comments

  1. True dat. We need to see ourselves more clearly and pushing past fear is part of that.

    Coincidentally, last night I had an anxiety-dream about being out in public presenting as female. My fear wasn't about shame but, instead, managing other people's reactions to my appearance.

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    Replies
    1. You will be surprised how little people care most especially if are relaxed and simply knowing in your gut that you are being yourself. If you are uncomfortable, it will be more evident hence attracting attention to that fact.

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  2. You know, Joanna, I appreciate your writing so much. I've been buying some more clothing recently in anticipation of my trip and I can just tell that I need to be out and about, just being myself. This is something I am going to do.

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  3. Fear. For 30+ years I crossdressed in secrecy in short bursts. I did not question it much because of fear. I was afraid of asking tough questions and revealing answers that I might be afraid of. I repressed very hard. I had an epiphany moment in my late 40s. It was at moment I was willing to ask the tough questions and began to open myself up to finding out why I wanted to crossdress.

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    Replies
    1. it takes a long time to understand ourselves and I repressed all my life although I knew very early I was different

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