Musings from my everyday life...

Apparently everyone knew being President was hard except Donald Trump. The man known for the Art of the Deal (actually ghost written by Tony Swarchtz) couldn't fathom that there was something more to the job than closing a sale on a property.

From a statistical point of view this is the worst first 100 days in presidential history with nothing more than a supreme court appointment to his credit and the lowest approval rating ever for a newly elected President. But then I don't think anyone should be too surprised because you could see this coming.

Donald Trump leaves a trail of failed business ventures and lawsuits behind him and whatever reputation he has gained among his base as a successful and shrewd businessman he has gained via firing people on reality television. Except that now he is dealing with actual reality and there is nowhere to hide.

His base will grow increasingly frustrated over time and the congressmen who backed him will need to answer to constituents who wa…

I remember being no more than 7 years old (we hadn't left Europe yet) and having my mother scold my disobedience by saying:

“When you are a mother you can do as you like. But right now I am the mother”

Those words were at once confusing, embarrassing, enraging and exhilarating. For I was beginning to slowly understand that there was something not quite right with my gender identity. The words, sometimes phrased slightly differently, would reappear on a number of occasions and are now permanently seared in my memory as was my scolding upon being discovered rattling around in her shoes.

Today she will tell me honestly say that she has no recollection of it and I believe her, but for me they had a permanent impact.

You became used to the disjointedness after a while and it became part of a reality which was allowed to express itself when no one is home and you could let the pressure out for a short while. Upon the family's return a sister might ask if you’ve been wearing lipstick …

Gender non-conformity is not the same as being transgender with the main distinction being that not all gender variant people experience gender dysphoria.

The other day I was watching a video of a makeup artist being interviewed. That person identified as gay male who cross-dressed virtually full time yet in no way did they even partially identify as a female. They simply chalked up their choice of garb as a preference rather than as an expression of a core female identity. Interestingly, they could have easily been mistaken for a very passable middle-aged transgender woman.

You can see how these two things could cause confusion among civilians.

Perhaps gender non-conformity in absence of dysphoria can be thought of as the flexing of gender norms in order to achieve individuality. Whereas the transgender person can accept or struggle against their nature but it cannot fundamentally be altered.

I am now certain that Harry Benjamin’s hypothesis of varying gender dysphoria intensity in i…

Caitlyn Jenner had a steep learning curve but she has improved.

When she first came out there was a kind of obtuseness present borne out of living your life in a bubble. Yes she had been deeply dysphoric all of her life and finally took the steps required to live authentically but she couldn't relate to people who were far less fortunate. Before coming out she had never even met another transgender person.

Still she faced her own detractors and the offensive bile thrown her way on social media was impressive and pulled no punches. The paparazzi followed her every move and they mocked as they took photos. In the end whether you live in the public eye or in private, the life of a trans person is not easy.

I think you will agree as you watch this brief exchange with Seth Meyers that she has come a long way in the last two years and whatever advocacy she can muster can only help to bring attention to the plight of those in our community who are not quite so fortunate.

Jenner shows us …

Since I am alone when out as Joanna most of the time, I tend to be chatty with people.

I don’t start out looking to talk to just anyone but sometimes a small comment will turn into an exchange and then suddenly blossom into a discussion; and so it was with Michelle this week who is a friendly 66-year-old separated woman living alone in the downtown core.

There we were at the sugar and milk stand dressing our coffees when we struck up a conversation and ended up sitting at the same table.

Michelle lives with her dog and a cat and by her own admission she doesn’t get out much. So after we had finished our coffees she asked if I would like to do this again. So we ended up exchanging numbers and promised that one would eventually call the other.

By the questions she asked and comments she made, Michelle doesn’t know that I am transgender and I am not in any hurry to divulge it. It doesn’t matter because we are two people who may or may not overlap more than a few times and I will cross t…

Marni Panas grew up in a practicing Catholic household so her upbringing was filled with doubt and guilt regarding her gender issues. In that regard I can strongly relate to her personal struggle.

In this article she says:

“You know from an early age if someone were to find out it would be awful. You get good at keeping a secret. You get good at being alone.” At 25 and still living as a man, she met her future wife, Laurina. About a month into their relationship, Panas told Laurina her truth. “Anyone would be lucky in life to have a partner who makes you believe you can be better, makes you believe you can do more. Laurina has been that gift to me all along.”

That her marriage has managed to survive against the odds is an amazing thing which cannot be downplayed.

I have seen Marni on YouTube videos for transgender causes and being interviewed alone and she is charming, confident and a strong and public advocate for transgender rights in deeply conservative Alberta....

http://www.edmonto…

Many people are still confused by what it means to be transgender and I can understand why even we at times grapple with its definition.

In the hunger for media stories with human interest it is often the extremes that draw the most attention. That 53 year old man who left his family to live as a 6 year old girl was one and the byline underscoring it should have been about mental illness. You can find such people all over society without the gender confusion thrown in except those who seek to invalidate the transgender experience will find solace in these cases. Walt Heyer is another less jarring example which is often trotted out by would-be detractors as the man who was cured of his mental illness by finding religion.

Despite the naysayers, the public is far more accepting than ever and, in this new environment, some kids will be hurried along the conveyor belt of transition and put on puberty blockers by well-meaning parents who want to help their children be happy. That they may b…

Conservatism in the United States has hitched its wagon to two things: religious fundamentalism and unbridled free market capitalism; both of which conspire against what science is trying to do in this world.

The first belief hinges on literal creationism spelled out in the Biblical story and hence leaves many things in the hands of a benevolent or vengeful God. Some of these conservatives are evangelicals who believe in things like the rapture.

The second dogma is based on open markets where the realities of climate change will not be allowed to deter the amassing of profits. Hence they will simply block their ears when scientists warn of a warming planet thanks to our addiction to fossil fuels.

The current sitting American president is not only a moron but is also highly volatile and can change political stances like a weather vane. What drives him is profound immaturity coupled with an almost psychopathic zeal to appear competent and powerful; which is precisely the reverse of real…

My father died 22 years ago so this unveiling would never take place.

The emotions are sometimes very raw here as Jae Noel comes out to her own father and he does his best to process something he doesn't at all comprehend. But this old school gentleman will probably come around in the end and I can relate to how difficult it must be to see the person he thought was his son transition.

To help her through this, Jae is fortunate to have a supportive girlfriend who is clearly going to stand by her through all of it.

That this young transgender woman is gynephilic would not compute for the Blanchardians still stuck in the world of 30 years ago and today their heads must be exploding trying to rationalize it.

But then young Jae would not have come out back then and, like the many of us did, likely would have repressed everything for abject fear of rejection.

Danielle works in my office. She is 60 years old, divorced for the last 27 years and currently grappling with cancer.

We were talking recently about her medical situation and more facts about her life came out. Maybe because she was feeling particularly talkative or vulnerable she trusted me with the specifics.

Back in 1987 her dog died, then her 7 year old daughter suffered a drowning incident and ultimately died in hospital some months later. Later that same year her husband asked for divorce and he eventually re-married, almost adding insult to injury, to one of the nurses who was looking after their dying daughter.

Then while she was away from the hospital celebrating her birthday Danielle's mother (who had her encouraged her to leave her daughter`s bedside for a short while) died suddenly at her home. She was 56 years old.

Danielle is like Job in the Bible asking God how much more suffering will be brought his way. Yet she has retained a philosophical and strong character af…

I am sure I posted this a few years ago but here it is again.

Lynn Conway has a section on her marvelous website that speaks to the experiences of young children upon first entering their mother’s closets.

I started doing so at a very young age and don’t really recall why I did it at the time although today I know very well why...

"My mother's closest was both a sanctuary and a crystal ball, a place in which I escaped the world and a place where, through the scrim of my mother's clothes I envisioned my future self. In my mother's closet my senses came alive. The smells of perfume, shoe polish, wool, leather; the feel of satin, velvet, silk, chiffon - these things had the power to evoke dreams and fantasies and, although it was not forbidden, I always was afraid to enter it. Afraid of what? Being caught? More likely I feared finding something, some clue that would reveal the mysterious world I knew I would one day enter, the world of being a woman." - Eugenia Zuker…