Musings from my everyday life...

Denis Villeneuve's little science fiction masterpiece is now on Netflix. I urge you to see it.

I promise you won't regret it.

When you are out in public there are two things you can do: one is to worry about how you are being perceived while the other is to go about your business and be yourself.

I have lived both of those scenarios in my life and I can assure you the latter is much more pleasant. The first happens not only to people who dress as the opposite sex but also to transitioned women who don’t always escape scrutiny either through certain physical traits, voice or mannerisms. It also happens to anyone who doesn't fit into a cookie cutter mold of conformance whatever their difference may be.

What was the biggest change in me that allowed me to pass from one stage to the other? my own attitude which is ultimately the only thing you can control. I was simply tired of worrying about what others might think. The alternative is to live in fear in a world that is full of people just waiting to pounce and you only give them power by simply showing that fear.

This change needs to happen in your psyche b…

Having online chats with my friend Sherry is not only cathartic but also just plain fun. Some people would describe her as the archetype of the early transitioning androphilic but I just think of her as the sweet and lovely lady that she is. Sherry and I met online about 10 years ago and she helped me with my struggles before we lost touch except that now we have re-established contact.

Sherry is aware of her sexuality, how it makes her feel and how it impacts her partner and men in general. She also knows what types of clothing and shoes suit her body and that women possess more sexual power than men.

Many transgender people, myself included, worried about cross gender arousal and what it meant. Did it disqualify our transgender feelings somehow? was it a sign of perversion?

The answer is none of the above.

I wrestled with this issue in this blog for a long time but finally concluded that the set of circumstances that create a transgender person also help create a unique sexuality t…

A former school mate contacted me and asked if I wanted to meet someone. I bristled at first then hesitated and finally thought what the heck.

We met this past Saturday after me having cancelled once by email saying that I didn’t really want to enter into anything right now.

She was a perfectly nice person and very well educated to boot and her father had been my high school French teacher as it turns out. We spoke for 3 hours and I laid all my cards on the table because by this age I don't do any form of pretence. It went well and the conversation flowed nicely.

But then yesterday I weighed everything and decided I am not going to pursue anything but I cannot explain why. Maybe it’s the general feeling that I don’t want to go through all the work again. My life is far from perfect and yet I can manage things on my own better than if I add another set of constraints to it. Relationships are hard enough without dysphoria added in for good measure.

Call it a case of cold feet I don&…

I must plead ignorance in trying to understand why any transsexual woman would want to self identify under a model where they are considered mentally ill men. After all, Blanchard says you are either a homosexual who desperately desires sex with heterosexual men or you are a heterosexual who wants to have sex with himself.

But without scientific proof that this model is correct why embrace it about yourself? After all, it has a negative outlook on transition as treatment for gender dysphoria. In addition, the vast majority of transsexual women are high functioning and continue to be after transition and suffer no more from mental illness than the rest of the population.

Even if you identified with the “homosexual transsexual” diagnosis there would be no advantage either as Blanchard did not establish hierarchical preference in his writings and for that matter neither does Anne Lawrence. In other words, you are still left with two sets of mentally ill men with barely a mention of femal…

I was shut down today for speaking out. I wrote a blog post about Trump and apparently overstepped my boundaries.

I didn't say anything stronger than Bill Maher does.

Dangerous times for America.

This is a fascinating read about what it is like for trans men and how their lives change after they have transitioned. They blend in better than trans women and can "pass" and disappear into the background more seamlessly. As the article points out:

"...And that cultural sexism is often more visible to trans men, because most say they find it easier to be low-disclosure than trans women. They’re often not recognized as trans, which means they can be less vulnerable to obvious transphobia. Some call it “passing” or “going stealth”; others say those terms suggest secrecy or deception, preferring the term “low or no disclosure.” In practice, this means that a 6’2” woman is often more conspicuous than a 5’4” man. James Ward, a lawyer in San Francisco who transitioned about six years ago, put it this way: “We have the ability to just walk through the world and not have anybody look at you twice.”

They have gained more respect from society but have lost the ability to be mor…

I just heard this morning on NPR that the Trump administration is optimistic that Jared Kushner is going to negotiate a Middle East peace plan and all I can say is whatever they are smoking I want some. The word on this whole thing from the Palestinians is that they want their own state which is what past administrations have tried to help them achieve while this one couldn't be closer to Netanyahu.

Meanwhile race relations in the United States continue to become terse under this new era of empowerment for fringe right groups who saw this election as a sign to come out and be seen.

So to look for a bit of sanity in commentary we turn to Bill Moyers.

He was Lyndon B. Johnson's press secretary and a distinguished journalist for many years. He is an intelligent and dignified man and an old school reporter with many decades of service to his profession. Lawrence O'Donnell is no slouch either and listening to both of them is sheer pleasure.

Veit Alex is one of those models who seem to be able to convincingly cross the gender divide and present as either an attractive male or female.

Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I think that in this case you will agree..

Recently my friend texted me that he had broken up with his girlfriend so I called him straight away. He tells me she seemed to be unsure about what she wanted and he was tired of being the diligent boyfriend doing his best but never quite meeting expectation.

I wrote about this recently; the complications inherent in relationships and mentioned him in that entry.

He, like me, is the oldest in a large family and for him doing things for others is a way to show love. So, he would mow her lawn when she wasn’t there and would take things in stride when she found some reason not to be available to get together but then complain they didn't see each other enough. They each have a child and both being divorced it seemed like a balanced pairing but then it wasn’t. He never could quite measure up so in the end it was he who cut the cord realizing that this was going to be a steady state condition going forward: the boyfriend who couldn’t quite meet expectations.

This bit of news reinforc…

Long Tall Sally is a store that sells garments and shoes for taller women and I have ordered from them before online. They are located in Mississauga so I decided to pay them a visit in person. They carry women's shoes up to size 15 and believe it or not I was told some women actually need that size.

There I met a young woman who worked there who must have been 6'2" and was very secure about her height which you could see that by the way she carried herself. So I went up to her and said:

"I bet people stare at you at the mall don't they?"

To which she responded:

"Yep you too I bet right?"

"Yes but you seem to be very secure about it" I said

"They can look at me all they like" she said to which I added was a great attitude to have.

A few days later a lady came up from behind me and said:

"You're very tall. How tall are you?"

I fibbed just a tad and said:

"6 feet without heels"

"You keep yourself in good sh…