to blend

Disappearing more into the background has been wonderful. I can be in the ladies room washing my hands next to some teenage girls and they will pay me no mind because to them I am just a tall middle aged woman.

Saturday morning I went to the esthetician to have my eyebrows cleaned up (not thinned). The young woman and I talked as she worked and it felt natural. I didn't concern myself with how I was being perceived.

I cannot explain any of it but it's been a desire since I was very young and I am finally able to blend in convincingly; and no, it never gets old. It is what is allowing me to manage my gender dysphoria and be happy. The solution was all in my head but, for better or worse, I needed this long journey to get here.

It's like my friend Clare says, we are more than a gender stereotype. We are first and foremost human.


  1. You know, I’ve been reading your blog for many years. It has been such a pleasure to “watch” (for lack of a better word) you progress and figure things out in your own time. Thank you for allowing people into your process. I am sure it has helped so many people.

    1. its comments like these Caryn that help me to keep going thank you!


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