mind the gap

I don't think I will ever physically transition because I have thought this over at great length and do not see the value in it for me. My gender dysphoria requires that I express myself as a female and of course that will continue. But what is to be gained by modifying my body is far less clear to me.

This is how dysphoria works: it is the gap between your perceived sense of gender and your birth sex. Except, that not everyone suffers it to the same degree. That I pass as a female in public helps me tremendously and tends to my dysphoric feelings in a dramatic way.

I am very realistic about things and mull things over a million times before reacting and no matter how much I reflect and no matter how bad my dysphoria is on certain days (and some are much worse than others), I ultimately arrive at the same conclusion.

The only remaining issue at hand is whether I will ever work as a female in my current profession; in other words, will I transition socially within the next few years. I am still undecided on this issue but I will let it percolate and see what opportunities arise. However even if that option does not materialize it is not a game breaker for me.

When I am done my career is another matter altogether and then it's fair game.


  1. While I think we are similar in many ways, we're opposites in this case. I rarely crossdress. It just depresses me to do so. I just don't feel right expressing myself as a woman without the correct equipment. Fake boobs and tucking just depresses me. I really wish I could get this behind me and calm the dysphoria as you do. Nevertheless, I continue to maintain by keeping my mind in more-or-less of a female mode, exercising, etc.

    1. I know we are opposites in this way Calie and for me the dressing is my only life line which can serve as a substitute for not transitioning. Without it I would be completely despondent and my dysphoria level would rise. But once again it shows how different and alike we all are..

  2. An error in your first sentence initially confused me. I believe you meant to write "ever" instead of "never." You might want to fix that for future readers.

    I've never wanted to alter my body surgically or otherwise. Our problem, I believe, is society, not the shape nature made us. Plus, surgery is always risky; in my opinion, it should be reserved for life-threatening conditions. I feel the same way about cisgender women getting cosmetic surgery.

    1. good catch Ally and thanks for the insightful comment


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