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my working future

I am at that junction where I am sitting on the fence regarding working as Joanna. I am completely comfortable going anywhere and interacting as a woman and any change would be social since I don’t require FFS nor do I need GRS in Quebec in order to change gender marker.

When this project is over I have some reflecting to do and since I was already thinking of changing companies, I have come to a fork in the road. I don’t feel stressed about it at all but instead have a sense of positive energy.

Coming here helped me to clarify my thoughts and removed a lot of taboos from my mind. Now it’s time to let things ruminate and allow a decision to bubble to the surface.

One way to help me decide might be to interview as Joanna and see what happens.


  1. I suppose I'm stating the obvious here, but hey, why not. It seems to me that the decision is less about whether you go to work as Joanna and more about if you wish to be Joanna everywhere. And indeed, surgeries, FFS, and all that stuff can remain over the horizon.

    Answering that question, whether to transition socially or not, is particularly tough when you're working, I get that. It's also very hard for me to even think about how one might create an experiment to give it a try. It's kind of all or nothing but you have the huge advantage over most that you're very comfortable as your authentic self now, interacting with people and so on.

    So I think that's the fundamental question: for you at this stage and time, is presenting as a woman more authentic than not? As you know we live in a pretty binary society so you only have two choices as a practical matter especially with you're working for another company.

    We all only have one life to live and we owe it to ourselves to be as authentic as we can be for ourselves and our loved ones.

    I doubt this helped much but it's at least worth what you paid for it!

  2. I remember doing exactly that. I was 25. I'd been in therapy for about a year, and had regularly going to my city's LGBT center as myself for about as long for support groups and social outings when I found out I was being laid off. It seemed like such an opportunity. I went on a few interviews for jobs I didn't really want to test the waters. I had largely concluded I would transition eventually; it was a matter of mustering up the courage. After having gone on one or two, and returning home to a phone call from someone to whom I was not out, I grew acutely aware of how much energy it would require to switch back to presenting as male, even on the phone. And how much I really did not want to expend it.

    A week or so of not having to present as male became such a catalyst to full transition for me. Presenting as male was the chore. Presenting as male was what required "passing." Presenting as female was just presenting as me. There was no way I was going back.

    1. This is Caryn Bare, by the way. Some weird glitch has altered my moniker. I'll figure it out.

    2. I thought as much Caryn...I recognized the style :)


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