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why you will marry the wrong person

This positively brilliant talk by Alain de Botton should be viewed by anyone who has ever been in a relationship or hopes to be in one. It deals with our blind spots and misinterpretations of what love is and how our expectations are often not aligned with reality.

I read his article of the same title in the New York Times last year and it was one of the best I have ever read on this subject.

Well worth your time in my opinion.


  1. Very interesting, thought provoking. I liked the way he summed it up at the end: we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I much prefer to do than to withdraw into don't. It's a lot more fun to be have loved and lost than not to have loved. That, and I much prefer to enjoy experiences with someone else than by myself.

    That said, being transgender sure seems to complicate things. Who knows the exact statistics but it seems safe to say that less than 1% of the population is trans. I consider myself to be lesbian so and that is estimated at 3% of the ~50% that are women. What percentage of women (trans or not) might be interested in a trans woman, what percentage of those might be interested in me, and what percentage might I pine for? It doesn't seem that the statistics aren't in my favor.

    To hell with stats. What matters, really matters, is putting oneself out there into the world, make friends and acquaintances, and see what pops up. :-)

    Sorry, I seem to have gone off on a tangent!

  2. We cannot worry about such things Emma because in spite of the low odds you cannot be anything other than yourself which in the end has far more value.

    1. Agree completely. Living authentically is everything. It takes a bit of practice to understand what that means and who I really am after so many years of suppression. But every day is a wonderful adventure!


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