Skip to main content


This was the first time I have ever been called out by someone who recognized me in male mode but it happened this past week. Young Sarah who works in a Promenades de la Cathedrale watch store saw me and was so excited that she just had to call out to me with a big wave and a booming "hello, hello!"

“I was sure you were a woman!” she tells me excitedly.

I explained to her about my transgender background and she seemed so impressed that I could live the way I do which I explained to her is far from being easy. She commented on how my delicate features could go either way which is why she had no doubt and didn't let my height be an issue because "there are so many tall women out there"

“I am so impressed by transgender people” she added and I proceeded to tell her that we tend to lead complicated lives with many of us not making it. She just stood there wide-eyed listening to every word.

Sarah is all of 24 years old, married and already the mother of a young boy. She is part of the new generation that really gets it and she sees a person instead of a gender stereotype in front of her. She asks about my wife or husband since she doesn't know my orientation and I tell here that I had once been married to a woman and that my last relationship has been over for almost 2 years.

“Well if it doesn’t work with a woman how about a man?” she says smiling at me

“Who knows” I answer back.

We spoke for a few minutes before I had to go back to the office and she made sure that I promised to come back and see her.

I told her that I would and then I walked away glad for the experience. Sarah is now one more civilian who just a little more educated on this issue.

Image result for cathedrale shopping center montreal


  1. How nice to encounter someone supportive and willing to learn. Good for both of you.

    I've also noticed some generational difference. Many of my younger friends are less intolerant than older ones. So I believe that's empirically true, for whatever reason.

    1. Ally I believe this is empirically true because these kids were brought up far more open minded than we were. I brought up my two that way and they accept people for who they are. It bodes well for the future.

  2. I really have no idea how well I pass. A friend told me recently that I shouldn’t assume that I don’t but it’s hard to know. Anyway, in some ways I think it’s better if we don’t because our visibility and presence underscores the fact that we’re just people, joyfully living our lives as our true selves. Otherwise it’s all too easy for cis people to see us as mysterious, maybe scary, and since we’re otherwise so rare, easy to marginalize.

    1. Don't worry about how well you pass instead focus on your internals. The rest can be learned through trial and error but without the confidence to be right in your own skin no amount of covering will fix that. 😊


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

Never Say Never....

 I was certain that I would never post here again and yet, here I am. It’s been several years, and life has changed me yet again. I have burrowed further into my psyche to discover more internal truths about myself all in the silence of a life lived with more periods of reflective solitude than ever before. After attempting for many years to be a problem solver for others, I needed to dig deeply to discover who I was, which should be a necessity for all people and an absolute imperative for those of us who dare rub against the grain of conventional society. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is honor the internal voice which has driven us since childhood. That whisper which we were compelled to ignore through our initial indoctrination must be listened to again for guidance. I knew I had spent too long heeding messaging that wasn’t working for me as a trans person, and it was time to stop. For the world gleefully basks in a level ignorance and hypocrisy we are not abl

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We