soul connection

When I was in my teens I used to imagine that being with someone else would enable me to be close enough to them to almost peer into their soul. I thought that being in a couple could be like the meeting of two minds intertwining and almost becoming one.

Of course I was wrong because what I held in my mind's eye was an overly idyllic portrait of how things should be forgetting that we are far too wounded and guarded as human beings to expose so much of ourselves to one another. This was also before I ever dared admit to myself that I was transgender and had that massive bridge still to cross.

We crave this type of deep connection with someone but our childhood trauma gets in the way of that desire and I have never understood this paradox as well as I do now. We hope to be loved and to return it in kind but we are incapable of letting our guard down to the extent it demands because it implies exposing our weaknesses as well as our strengths to another being. Instead we bring our baggage and expect our partner to help heal our woundedness without exposing sufficient vulnerability.

Being on my own for the last two years has allowed for much introspection to take place and I have been reflecting on my life the way one watches a film. I was then able to stop at segments and examine what was truly going on. I have concluded that to have a truly deep and lasting bond with another person requires the type of mutual honesty and transparency that helps build a solid foundation.

However, I have lived long enough to know that the great majority of us do not do this which helps explain the state of many marriages and relationships. Our parents, many of whom employed the method of "till death do us part" and remained together through pragmatism and social expectation, did not do this either and were likely no happier for it.

Just imagine if we learned to do this well.


  1. All I can say is "Wow - Right on!". When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open the door to truly meaningful relationships.

    1. it is easier said than done but I would like to think some people get there Halle. It takes two people willing to do the same thing and put down their weapons and cooperate.


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