Skip to main content

avoiding a life unfulfilled

Many baby boomers have lived with dysphoria their entire lives but have yet to begin living authentically. I can tell you that as hard as it was for me to get here, it has been truly worth it and it has done my internal happiness a world of good.

The first steps are difficult but once you get going there is no turning back and every little victory adds to the experience and joy of being yourself. Don't wait to come clean to others and realize that as scary as things may look, it is far scarier to have lived an entire life with unfulfilled dreams of being the person you are inside. At this point I cannot imagine taking even one step backwards and wish you the courage to always move forward in a direction that honours your identity as a transgender person.

Intolerance is everywhere on this planet and it is often brutally ugly. People are killed everyday simply for being different and being true to themselves. All the more reason to never let anyone tell you how to live. I know that my being transgender robbed me of my confidence when I was younger as I grappled with what to do about it.

Transgender people in New Zealand face far worse discrimination than any of us do here and they are the butt of slurs and insults on the street simply for being who they are. I don't know about you, but it just makes me all the more militant and strengthens my resolve to ignore the uneducated masses....


  1. As usual, you hit the nail on the head. Engaging in anything gender-transgressive scared me most of my life but what counter-balanced and over-ruled that was the fear of dying without having lived. That regret pushes me to take brave steps into the unknown.

    1. good for you Ally for you have found the magic formula!

  2. One thing I tell others who are apprehensive, for fear of hurting others by coming out, is that waiting does not make the hurt any less - in fact, it probably makes it worse. If you are miserable on the inside, as much as you try to put on a different face for others, the misery still leaks through. For me, I let the lies, deceit, and conniving go on much longer than I should have, but I'm so happy that I came clean when I did. I could not have lived that way for another ten years, and I know that others, especially my family, would not have tolerated my behavior any longer, either. The worst that can happen is not that you've let the world in on your "secret." The worst happens from others finding that you have been keeping a secret from them.

    1. coming out for me has been fairly anti-climactic and have not lost any friends over it. People basically don't care and friends you value for their character will not abandon you...

  3. Are those NZ stories all that different or worse from those in Canada? If so, my hat’s off to Canada. They are pretty much the daily routine for most trans folk in the United States.

    1. I must say that I never have any problems at all. Maybe it is because I pass well but still we don't have big incidents here and my city of Montreal is very trans friendly


Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…