Skip to main content

a visit to the endo

I will admit I was a little apprehensive about visiting the endocrinologist and I had built up some scenarios in my head as to how it might go.

For example, I imagined a quizzical look from a hospital admitter as she tried to make sense of the woman in front of her with the male ID on the medical card. Of course no such thing occurred and this young millenial woman treated me with utmost respect and didn't bat an eyelash as she took down my information. No doubt I am not the first nor the last transgender person she admits.

Also my travel there by public transit was uneventful as to be ho hum but this is the way things have become for me now when out on public. There is no nervous thrill just the happiness of being myself.

Then I check in with the doctor's receptionist and nothing special happens either. She registers me and says

" Have a sit Miss and he will call you"

Then I waited and waited and waited some more until 2 hours later he finally saw me which was not all that unusual for our Canadian specialists except today I was told he was particularly behind schedule. Boy was it worth the wait though.

Dr Morris is gregarious and happy go lucky while at once philosophical. After some wonderful exchanges he proceeded to tell me that I looked, walked and sounded better than 90% of the people who have ever come to see him pre-transition. I think he did this to bolster me after some expressed dubiousness regarding transitioning.

He told me his job isn't to sell me or tell me anything but to see what I want and help improve my quality of life as a trans person. He also told me he sees many patients who are perfectly happy to live in both worlds in some form of social or partial medical transition. But he also told me to disregard the opinion of others and to not rule out that I might be and always have been a woman.

I see him again in October by which time he will have in his possession the full battery of blood tests he will have me undertake. Then we will take things one baby step at a time.

"Joanna are you proud of who you are?" He asks me with a Cheshire cat smile

"Yes Doctor Morris, I am" I respond.

Comments

  1. Dr Morris sounds a lot like my endocrinologist; a keeper.

    Along with disregarding the opinions of others, do not feel you have to live up to any past commitments you might have made. "You are free to reinvent yourself at any time."

    ReplyDelete
  2. October sounds like a terribly long time to wait. Five months? One month would be stretching it. There aren’t that many blood tests!

    Still, good on you Joanna. He’ll likely start you on a low dose and titrate up from there. As a couple of endos advised me, a cis person would feel very uncomfortable and unsettled on even low dose HRT while a trans person will feel like she’s at home. Which will you be? I’ll bet the latter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The way he explained it Emma is he wants to get to know me and figure out what I might want. He doesn't just want to give me androgen blockers and let me go. He takes a very methodical approach which suits me perfectly

      Delete
  3. I must have missed something, Joanna. I thought you were dead-set against HRT. Please don't take this the wrong way. I entirely support any decision anyone trans makes. I was just curious what changed your mind.

    While my preference is full transition, I have my reasons for not proceeding at this point and that includes HRT, although.....god do I want it.

    ReplyDelete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…