Musings from my everyday life...

"Some pre transition male to female transsexuals experience cross gender arousal ergo the arousal causes a false claim of identity" This is the bedrock claim made by the apostles of the Autogynephilia theory. An analogy which could be made would be:"every time I see lightning I hear thunder ergo lightning causes thunder" a claim which is incorrect for at best they are correlated (you can look that up). You see, correlation is not necessarily causation. This is science 101. Lack of proof is the problem with AGP and the only way to settle things would be to provide a definite explanation and causation for the arousal; something which no one has been able to do thus far. Therefore it is just as convenient for we transgender people to claim that cross gender arousal is a symptom of dysphoria: a statement which is just as plausible and far more likely given our early childhood identification. To state that the Autogynephilia theory is based on science is clearly

Progressive candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won her primary over 10 term congressman Joe Crowley by running a grass roots campaign which she took right to the people. There is litte doubt that many Democratic voters are fed up with establishment politicians like Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi and while they may chalk up this 28-year-old woman’s victory to a blip on the electoral map they would be unwise to do so. Cortez was an organizer for Bernie Sanders who himself had captured the imagination of the millennial voters by running on a truly progressive agenda. Medicare for all and free college tuition could be laughed off as a pipe dream until one considers the money that goes into military industrial complex defense spending, big pharma, malpractice litigation and other expenditures that make those dreams quite plausible by comparison. The Dems can laugh off Cortez’s win but the population is tired of their ties to Wall Street, the pharmaceutical industry and even the gun lobb

Sometimes I think that the best way to describe myself is as a woman who had to learn to be a man. Today I have reached a place in my life where I consider the best and most sincere version of myself lives as a woman named Joanna who crossdresses to make a living. But first the psyche must make this leap of adjustment and then have the courage to admit it to others. As hard as this second leg of the journey is, the first leg is even harder: admitting it to yourself. Presently I am in the throes of figuring out how to come to a public equilibrium so that there is nowhere left to hide. Do I have the courage to live the rest of my life as a woman? This is what I must answer and do so without reservations. It would be easier if one could just start from scratch and not have to face the scrutiny from people who have only known me one way; the way I was taught to be and behave. This remaking of oneself is no easy task in your mid-fifties and anyone who underestimates it is not thinking

Raising children outside of conventional gender structures is not about trying to change or suppress who they are. It is instead about encouraging them to be themselves. When I was growing up we had zero latitude in this regard, and any penchant to cross gender lines was strongly frowned upon and ridiculed. Hence, those of us growing up transgender during the dark ages were just plum out of luck. Now that reparative gender clinics like that of Ken Zucker's at the CAMH are a thing of the past, we can simply let the child help us to guide them. In other words, we let natural exploration take it's course and see what happens; all the while staying clear of overly zealous labeling which could start them off on possibly unnecessary medical intervention. After some early gender exploration my nephew turned out to be gay but he could just as easily have come out as trans at the tender age of 17 thus allowing for the proper measures to be followed. It's not really all that

I haven't gone out in public wearing these earrings yet. They were an impulse purchase and later thought they were a tad too oversized for my face but now I'm not so sure. Anyway sometimes it's good to try new styles...

Of course it has gone too far now. Trump is now reversing his ill conceived separation of asylum seekers from their children which involved putting them in makeshift concentration camps. As the United States edges closer to flirting with fascism, the media just reports on his daily imbecilic and spasmodic tweets while the Republican party sits idly by doing nothing. Everyone is afraid to cross the angry bear; a fact which was echoed recently by outgoing Republican senator Bob Corker. Meanwhile Trump's rallies remind one of Hitler's rise to power with his lowest common denominator crowds crying with a maniacal fervor and in unison "build that wall, build that wall!" This administration is corrupt and immoral. It began with discourse about Mexicans who rape, Muslims who bomb and LGBT people who impose themselves on society but slowly it is pushing the envelope of rationality and respectability to its very limits. Each day the dialogue becomes coarser and less thing

Now that the ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases) has removed the stigma of being transgender considered a mental illness, there are still other layers of subtlety to be resolved but it is a definite improvement and, those who sought to stigmatize transgender people, will now have a little less ammunition. To me this whole issue can be boiled down to one thing: how does one live in a world that doesn’t know what to make of you? Do you transition fully and pick a side or do you exist in some partial form which can sometimes complicate your life in how you present and are addressed by the public? This is part of my thinking process today where I am reflecting on how to live my life going forward. The strength of your cross-gender identification plays a huge role here and some people simply must transition but what I like about today is that others are freer to choose some variant that stops shy of this goal. Not everyone will opt for surgery for example but will otherw

It's only when we look back on our lives that we recognize our patterns; the blinders that kept us from progressing into another state of consciousness and inhibiting elevation into new and improved ways of thinking. Today I am a very different person and when I take stock of the lessons I have absorbed I realize how marked that change has been. Even the last two years have seen major progress where my own blinders have seen a significant lifting and I have examined the obstacles that held me back. Perhaps the trick is to always second guess ourselves and not assume we are necessarily on the right track. After all, our humanness, by its very definition, implies imperfection and the propensity to err. Pain is part of life and when experiences sear us with a scar it can act as a reminder which doesn't go to waste. The aim to is to achieve new awareness about our personal truth and define ourselves outside of the limitations imposed by the outside world. Regardless of our o

I have been pondering the subject of gender dysphoria for many years now and back when I thought I was a deviant in need of a cure I was certain that I could defeat this calling within me that has always been there. It took me a long while to admit that I wasn’t a crossdresser or a T-girl. Most seem to be able to put the clothes away until the next opportunity and don’t necessarily suffer the persistence of a gender dysphoria that almost never sleeps. But the reason I am no longer conflicted is because I have accepted my reality fully: transsexualism is a condition one is born with. There is nowhere left to hide and I am tending to my reality in an imperfect way for now and maybe for the long haul. However, I also don’t want to get to the end of my life wondering “what if” which is why I have begun to consider the possibility of a transition. I am at that edge where on the one hand there is hesitation about stepping through an uncertain door and on the other is the excitement of ne

You could be forgiven for thinking this was a female singer imitating 80's performer Corina Chiriac but it is instead Romanian singer Sebastian Muntean in the makeup, dress and the heels. The performance is live and there is no lip syncing. Sebastian's movements are graceful, feminine and very natural and he could most certainly pass for a genetic woman. See if you agree...

Kyle Kulinski is an unabashed American liberal whose ideas will not necessarily be appreciated by everyone yet he always calls a spade for what it is. Watching the video from FOX News on which he comments made me writhe and Kyle can barely contain his outrage after its over. You will note that virtually everything said during the excerpt is false and illustrates to what extent the network has become an unapologetic propaganda tool for Trump's vision for America. If you aren't particularly bright and watch nothing but FOX you might as well live in another universe as they twist and omit the truth to such an extent it leaves one virtually speechless. Candace Owens, the new "it girl" of the far right, makes particularly confused statements here. Kyle is part of the millennial politically educated class who want things to change in the US and he is often left gobsmacked by the audacity of the fake news that Trump loves to talk so much about. Until news becomes news a

"Joanne! Joanne!" I pop out from the crowd upon hearing my name realising the girl at the cash has miswritten it and upon seeing me the barista says "Oh Hi how are you?!" This in a slightly syrupy yet sincere tone as if she knows me well. "Good Thanks" I respond I seem to get this a lot these days and maybe because people see a happy and relaxed woman. "Remember me from the downtown Starbucks? I used to work there" She says Then I finally recall and chalk up the memory lag to dimensia. "I am hard to forget" I say a little ironically referring to my height while scrunching my facial expression to make my point. "Plus you're a beautiful woman" and she surprises me and has just made my day. I tell her so. We banter a bit before I get my coffee and she wishes me a lovely day which I return in kind. Being yourself and relaxed has no price and after years of struggle I am finally at a point where existing in

This is Jordan Peterson all over again except now its based on religious grounds. This teacher says its against his religious principles to address transgender students by their preferred pronouns; a policy at the school where he works. As a result he feels encouraged to resign because in his own words “I’m being compelled to encourage students in what I believe is something that’s a dangerous lifestyle”. The school will rightly accept his resignation because evidently being compelled to do something he feels is so heinous is clearly countering their policy of inclusiveness and tolerance. Of course just how he would know anything about what being trans is all about is beyond me but never mind because such are the blinders among the true believers. In their eyes this is a sinful "lifestyle" and must not be encouraged in any way lest it catches on like a virus. I am afraid that there will be more such cases where if it isn't a baker refusing to serve a gay couple it wil

52% of the US population now supports that pompous windbag of a president and I can scarcely believe it. It makes me wonder how bad one must be to merit much lower numbers with Trump’s now reaching almost normal levels. The sheer incompetence alone not to mention the lying should have been enough and yet here we are just past day 500 and his approval rating has actually improved. I haven't even mentioned the illegal activity and delusions of grandeur that has him think he's untouchable and can pardon himself (an early admission of guilt if I ever heard one). By this new set of rules Nixon would not have paid for his own abuse of power. I am at the point where just seeing him on the screen gives me the hives and I can only watch political programs which comment on his buffoonery and keep the excerpts from the rallies to a bare minimum. Watching him hypnotize his lowbrow base is more than I can tolerate. It makes me realize that you don’t need to be very good to be president

I was never presented with a choice and from earliest memory I have always been gender dysphoric. It is not like one day I consciously decided to try on women’s clothing on a whim, liked it and decided to go with it. No, it was instead something deeply imprinted and primordial that told me where I needed to go. I explained this to my mother recently and made her recall how the nuns used to slap her left hand when she tried to write with it (frustrated old bitties) and she was forced to use her right. My way of making an analogy she could relate to. Today I am a very strong believer that one is born transgender (or transsexual if you like). There is no choice in it and all that is left to you is how you are going to respond to something which bristles against the sensibilities of many in society. I explained to my mother how militant I am now and how my age and scars have produced a very strong person; one who is fed up with the stupidity of the world yet is simultaneously very much

I no longer second guess myself about presenting as a woman; I know it will go well. So much of this is about self knowledge and fortitude and just not giving a hoot about what others think. The important thing is that I am comfortable. I used to balk at the thought of a banking or car appointment as Joanna and going swimming was a definite non-starter but now it's my default presentation. It has also expanded the number of people I deal with on a regular and semi-regular basis which in turn increases confidence even more. I think coming out is the best thing I ever did followed by my current effort to meld myself into one person. I feel that eventually I will fuse what used to feel like two distinct but co-existing gender roles into one although I could be wrong. The fun is in the exploration I suppose. The second guessing was getting me nowhere and it had to stop because it was steeped in fear and insecurity. Instead I am focusing on being happy which I very much am these d

The HPL hair removal unit has been doing its job. The first thing I noticed is that little patches of hair on my hands and fingers are now free of regrowth. So where once a week or so I would need to take a razor to them, they have not required it. Most of us who are gender dysphoric hate excess hair and I am no exception. Therefore anything that helps in this regard is a Godsend. I have also been treating my face, legs, chest and underarms but those take time and I expect months to go by before I notice significant reduction. So, do I recommend this product based on progress to date? Yes I do but I see patience will be a virtue here and the timeline will be 6 months to a year but, considering the price of the unit, that is hardly an inconvenience. Those of you looking for a semi-permanent to permanent solution to hair removal should consider it. Just remember that its meant for dark hair and will not work on white.

Trump wants to have a tariff war except he is incredibly unclever. In order to pander to his base in the rust belt he is going to risk further alienating American allies and hurting US companies who rely on imports (which includes Canada's aluminium). This deeply stupid individual is continually making errors even as he begins to feel Robert Mueller's breath on the back of his neck. Michael Cohen has 15 lawyers working full time to examine potentially damaging evidence (they tried to move a June 15th deadline mandated by a federal judge). The state now has in its possession audio recordings and shredded documents being put back together and the bill is adding for Cohen only increasing the likelihood he will turn state's evidence against Trump. It is just a matter of time now and with Trump potentially testifying before Mueller during which he will most assuredly purjer himself, it doesn't look good for this horrendous presidency. At least let's hope so.