Skip to main content

more on who we are

Finding out who you are takes time because we need to clean our palettes. For most people their grounding in gender education works because they fit within the gender binary. For us however, the process requires we carefully scrutinize a social education that worked against us. The more we become entrenched in it, the more difficult redefining ourselves became.

In my case, I had bought wholeheartedly into everything which is why I struggled and blamed myself for failing to live up to it perfectly. It wasn't until I realized that I could embrace my femininity without fear that things began to fall into place. This need not be an exaggerated form either and you won't see me posting pinup pictures here, but we can embrace the full spectrum of who we are without fear and bask in how freeing that is. We can repatriate our full range of expression to help formulate our own uniqueness.

Once this first part is accomplished you can then decide whether transition is for you or not; for your mind must be free of clutter.

In the end, we are not obliged to be archetypal caricatures of gender; we are above all human beings. Some of us eventually figure out that going with our own current is preferable to swimming against it.

It's okay to be whole.


  1. I'm not sure if entrenchment can be avoided. I have a feeling that it is part of the package even if one were to begin the process of redefining ( or should that be defining?) gender identity at a relatively early stage of life. Just a quick glance in a full length mirror is more than enough to call into question a whole host of feelings.

    1. agreed Kati it cannot which is why so many of us have a long journey back to find a new baseline but it is not impossible and, even if imperfect, it is better than living in a straight jacket for the rest of our lives :)


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We

Never Say Never....

 I was certain that I would never post here again and yet, here I am. It’s been several years, and life has changed me yet again. I have burrowed further into my psyche to discover more internal truths about myself all in the silence of a life lived with more periods of reflective solitude than ever before. After attempting for many years to be a problem solver for others, I needed to dig deeply to discover who I was, which should be a necessity for all people and an absolute imperative for those of us who dare rub against the grain of conventional society. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is honor the internal voice which has driven us since childhood. That whisper which we were compelled to ignore through our initial indoctrination must be listened to again for guidance. I knew I had spent too long heeding messaging that wasn’t working for me as a trans person, and it was time to stop. For the world gleefully basks in a level ignorance and hypocrisy we are not abl