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owning it

You have to own it. That's what I've learned. If you know who and what you are you need to own it or else people will smell the inauthenticity.

That certainty goes a long way towards establishing credibility and how I gained mine interacting as a female in the world.

This is making it easier for me to come to a firm decision and, as Emma so rightly commented recently, transition means different things to each of us. It is the amount of time (full time or part time) that remains to be decided and whether I begin some form of HRT with Dr. Morris. The one thing I know with some degree of certainty is that surgery is not for me because, personally, I don't feel it's necessary in order to be myself.

Being self concious and transgender are mutually exclusive and if you worry about how you are being perceived you will develop paranoia.

I am now rid of that condition I suffered from all my life: pleasing others to fit in and worrying about what they thought. You cannot develop a plan as a transgender person without ridding yourself completely of this affliction.

I put off dealing with my dysphoria properly for many years and count myself fortunate to be amongst the half of trans people who never attempted suicide. In many ways, I've led a difficult and stressful life and it's time to simplify it just a bit.


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…