the meeting

I went to that shareholders meeting for my side project the night before last and it all went fine. There wasn’t a hint of nervousness or self-consciousness on my part and I was addressed as she and her the entire time. I don’t think Patricia has told everyone that I am transgender but that doesn’t matter to me; she can tell them when and if she wants.

The only thing that I kept thinking was that this occurrence would have been so frightening until relatively recently. It was a series of little steps that got me here and now I don’t need to second guess every gesture or movement anymore. The voice is there when I need it and it is effortless to the point that I don’t even think about it.

There were five of us around that table and the meeting lasted about 2 hours. I expressed myself when I needed to, and everything worked like a reflex.

Later on the subway, aside from the usual tall woman looks I get from time to time, no one paid me any mind which is the way I always imagined it would feel like when you blend in.

Am I a different person? No I am still me with the added permission to dress and behave as I like. I allowed for a rewiring of my mind to permit what was always natural but had allowed society to take away from me.

It has happened ever so slowly but I have somehow managed to become myself.

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