Skip to main content

composure

Posture, demeanor, composure and grace are all important parts of being a human but particularly a woman. Femininity exudes all these qualities in spades such that to not look like a man in a dress, these need to come from within.

We have all seen examples of crossdressers dolled up to the nines who then walk and gesture like men instantly giving themselves away. It is not about height or weight here because I have seen the most petite examples sometimes being among the worst offenders. What helps tremendously is to fully accept our inner femininity and then channel it without being a caricature. That feminine grace should exude naturally from your pores without you needing to force anything. If you are trans this should not be an issue once you have done away with the nerves.

I am so comfortable presenting as a woman its become reflex and don't need to consciously think about how I sit, gesture or speak. The whole thing should be as natural as the way you were taught to be male.

This last part took me over the edge in being treated and accepted as a woman by the now hundreds of people who I have dealt with as Joanna.

First step? do away with apprehension and fear and just be comfortable.

One of epitomes of feminine poise and grace

Comments

  1. I don't know that I was taught to be male. My mother used to tell me, "Don't walk like that!" because my movements were obviously too feminine. I developed a male persona more through my own observation, and I would choose various boys and men as my "role models" for what I perceived to be their examples of masculine behavior. My father died when I was young, so I had no male influence at home. I do remember that my father made efforts to put me on the proper path to manhood, if not only to get me off the runway of sissyhood, by providing me with boxing gloves and a punching bag when I was five-years-old. The only thing I learned from that is the bag doesn't hit you back unless, of course, you stand too close to it after giving it a good whack. If being a man meant you should be willing to take punishment in order to administer punishment, I became even more convinced that I wasn't cut out for it.

    I did learn how to fake it as a man over time, and fake it I did for a very long time. After I had finally found the comfort of presenting my feminine-self to others, the facade of my male-self became more and more difficult to maintain. My facade may have provided some privilege, but being what felt natural was not only comfortable, but freeing. The facade had become a habit I had no trouble breaking. The freedom of being my true self occasionally... then frequently... then almost constantly, finally caused the pain of putting on the facade unbearable - if not impossible. It was no longer feasible, in short stints, for me to be the man certain others expected me to be. As the comfort of my femininity grew, I had reached a point where the discomfort of my facade of masculinity was so strong that I became incapable of tapping into those old habits and to sell the affectation. I had no choice but to bow out gracefully.

    When you stop punching the bag, it just stops swinging back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this is something interesting you point out. The more you become in touch with the feminine the more difficult it is to conceal it such that it will bubble up when trying to present male. Also being trans does mean that we have little trouble dropping the fa├žade because it is all part of our natural inclination. You don't need to learn what is already innate; you just need the courage to expose it even if it means being ridiculed.

      Delete
    2. The question is whether you will accept being ridiculed as a feminine man or as the woman you feel yourself to be. I took my chances on the latter, and there has been little negative feedback. For me, to be inconsistent is to be disingenuous. I say, what you see is what you get, and if you can't see it, you just don't get it. The same goes for who you see and who you get! ;-)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not). When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it. I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while. Be well all of you.... sample pages...

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We