I have never stood here before.

This is a first for me in that I am sitting at an equidistant point between transitioning and not.

There are several reasons for this but one is that it is not easy to live in two gender roles. You sometimes even confuse yourself and presenting in one form in society is easier. Also, nothing stops you from enjoying life and keep any interests I currently have and, should I choose transition, it could be purely social in nature.

On the other hand there are still remnants of my current life which command my attention and keep me firmly in my current role.

In truth, we should be able to live life as we want but society seems to beg that we decide. They want to know where you stand because, like it or not, so incredibly much about our existence is still parsed out by gender.

That equidistance sometimes confuses me because I vacillate between the two poles, some days more sure of one than the other. Has Joanna advanced over time? Yes admittedly she has but then there may be a resting point and I may already be there as I write this. The most important thing for me became the shedding of the oppressive weight I carried and, once shed, I was left with a clear head to reflect. The more you can successfully detach yourself from expectation and pressure from others to follow a prescribed path, the better your life will be.

The secret has and always will be about self definition.


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