Skip to main content

headed in the right direction

Sometimes people ask me if I am seeing anyone including those who know I am trans to which I always give the same answer: I am battle fatigued. But there is more.

Over the last 2 years I have given a lot of thought to how transgender people from my generation or older can find companionship and I don’t think that it is easy. The overwhelming majority of the trans people I know are either closeted to their spouse, the spouse knows but doesn't want to see it, they are divorced due to this or suppressing their identity so they can stay married. There are some happy stories of course (Halle’s and Nadine’s come to mind) but the rest are about navigating around the elephant in the room to try and make things work.

Crossdressers can balance their lives because their dysphoria tends to be weaker or non-existent and periodic dressing seems to work for them, but I lean heavily towards the transsexual side of the spectrum making my life that much more complex.

However, by this age I have firmly decided that my identity takes number one priority and will never compromise that to make any relationship work. I am simply adjusting to being on my own by filling any voids with friendships.

Millennials are a different breed and have grown up in a world of acceptance hence trans people from that generation can more easily find partners of either gender. It is a group which has been spared the stereotypical education slotting people into rigid and predefined boxes.

Their slate is far cleaner of bias and I am reminded of this on a constant basis the more I deal with them which gives me much hope that we are headed in the right direction as a society.
Image result for headed in the right direction


  1. It seems to me that one had better learn to enjoy one's own company for a solitary existence is possible outcome. I'm not saying this is anything approaching a "given" but it is a distinct possibility.

    1. Much more than a distinct possibility Kati. We have two choices accept yourself or dont and try to squeeze yourself into a mainstream existence. I chose the former


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not). When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it. I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while. Be well all of you.... sample pages...

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We