Skip to main content

no fear of being outed

This Friday I am having birthday brunch with Leticia who I have known for several years now and have never told about my transgender identity. We are simply two ladies who know each other and overlap sporadically which works for both of us.

My hesitation comes not from trying to deceive anyone but more from the lack of urge I feel. I just want to remain a woman rather than explaining to a 60-year-old Latina why I chose not to tell her something this big for so long. Plus we are more close acquaintances than good friends anyway. Things were more successful than I planned and as time went on it became more and more difficult to spill the beans. Everything I tell her about myself is completely true except I reverse an ex-wife with an ex-husband.

I met Leticia during a phase in my transgender journey where I was testing my ability to pass as a cisgender woman and our overlaps helped convince me that this was not only possible but successful. Having lunch one day with her and her three sisters really sealed the deal for me.

Most recently Dr. Morris confirmed for me that I have reached a stage where my presentation is better than good, and I need not fear any social setting for fear of being outed. Not that being outed is bad in any way but I prefer to keep that option for myself rather than have it thrust upon me.

Image result for two women having lunch


  1. As I like to say: You can fool some of the people all of the time, and you can fool all of the people some of the time. But, if you're just trying to fool people, YOU are the FOOL.

    I just refer to my wife as my spouse. If she should become my ex-spouse (which I doubt would ever happen - 46 years and counting), I would simply say "ex". Anyway, there is no need to out yourself to anyone unless you might be considering a sexual relationship. (Of course, in my case, outing myself to my wife took sex out of consideration)

    1. I'm glad that there is no "ex" in your situation Connie. Good for you! :)

  2. I have reached an interesting point in my transition. I am a lawyer. Since coming out in July I have disclosed the fact I am transgender to every new client. So far no one has cared-at all. After three months, and passing well, clients are now wondering why I am telling them this information at all. Now it seems irrelevant and like it is too much personal information. I think I will shift to not telling new clients going forward, but if asked, tell them the truth. I never thought I would reach this point.

    1. As you approach full closure, there is no longer a need for full disclosure?

      My, oh my,
      An outing, once
      Would make me cry.
      Now, I find, by and by,
      It's all become just

  3. There is no "ex",
    There is no sex.
    Is so complex

  4. This so great Marcia it's like its become a non issue which is wonderful. Good for you!!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

Never Say Never....

 I was certain that I would never post here again and yet, here I am. It’s been several years, and life has changed me yet again. I have burrowed further into my psyche to discover more internal truths about myself all in the silence of a life lived with more periods of reflective solitude than ever before. After attempting for many years to be a problem solver for others, I needed to dig deeply to discover who I was, which should be a necessity for all people and an absolute imperative for those of us who dare rub against the grain of conventional society. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is honor the internal voice which has driven us since childhood. That whisper which we were compelled to ignore through our initial indoctrination must be listened to again for guidance. I knew I had spent too long heeding messaging that wasn’t working for me as a trans person, and it was time to stop. For the world gleefully basks in a level ignorance and hypocrisy we are not abl

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We