Musings from my everyday life...

Sorry Carpenters but Klaatu's version is the original and better one. Oh and any resemblance to the Beatles is purely accidental :)

I know I post a lot of older music that I love here but here is a younger artist named Westerman with an atmospheric little pop tune called "Confirmation".

A little Sting mixed with Joni Mitchell maybe?...

Personal insight comes in dribs and drabs and rare is the occasion where we have a sudden and huge discovery about ourselves or our place in the world. I have found over my lifetime that introspection combined with previous experience is what helps us shine a light on life and how to live better the further we navigate into it. If we are always in student mode, we can learn something about ourselves and others sometimes even on a daily basis.

Then one day, we can look back and realize the magnitude of our growth. The challenges we have been through have helped fashion a stronger person capable of appreciating the beauty contained in our existence with a greater gusto.

For the coming year I wish all of you the gifts of personal insight and of loving yourselves exactly as you were created. Let us practice the art of living in the moment and finding joy in the simpler pleasures that life has to offer.

Finding out who we are as trans people sometimes takes a little longer because we began…

I received more feedback from Patricia today after that dinner. She told me her daughter didn't know I was trans which made me feel great. After Patricia told her, she was genuinely surprised because she said I look so natural.

Patricia also added that if I hadn't told her from the outset she wouldn't have known either.

Now if that isn't a confidence booster I don't know what is.

It was a very small group at this little dinner. Including Patricia's teenage daughter Iva, we were 4 ladies and 2 gentlemen. One couple had to cancel at the last minute due to illness.

I felt comfortable the entire evening and interacted as I have learned to hone by now; always aware of the potential conflict between my socialization and how I was presenting. I never felt talked over or ignored because there was no male bully in the room. It was just a group of people enjoying a meal and a discussion.

My mannerisms or voice don't need to be fretted over any longer, so things came out naturally but I am always aware that behaving as a lady takes on a certain form. There is a small surveillance on my part as someone who has not been taught to behave that way as a norm. You don't want to be a caricature either.

Never was there a trace of doubt on anyone's face (that I could detect) which made me feel very much at ease and it was always 'she' and 'her' alt…

For me, no one has defined gender dysphoria better than Anne Vitale. Describing it as "gender expression deprivation anxiety" is brilliant because that is exactly what it feels like. But in its definition also lies the solution; ie the reducing or eliminating of its power which, according to the WPATH standards, can take on a variety of forms up to and including a full medical gender role transition.

I feel that our aim should be to attack that discomfort by whatever methods work using a measured approach. This means that less is better at the outset until we have figured out what we really need. If a medical transition is what we require then that is exactly what we should do. However, many of us are already embroiled in lives we have built and, treating our dysphoria the way we would ultimately want to, may not be possible. This is where deft baby steps are called for.

Some wait until a dear spouse is deceased or children are grown while others find ways within the context…

There's a search for approval period you go through. You look in the eyes of people you deal with for hints you are passing and the slightest trace of doubt betrayed by their expression sends you into disappointment.

Of course this works against you.

It wasnt until I relaxed and abandoned that search for validation that others relaxed around me. They drew energy from my behavior and, as a confident woman, I was able to blend in with ease. It turned out that my own doubts had been conspiring against me.

Make no mistake that this is normal because after being socialized for decades to suppress any trace of femininity, trying to bring it to the fore injects great trepidation and worry. You are disappointing everyone around you who expect better. This mindset can be pervasive and takes energy to defeat but, as you see the difference when you relax, you can't believe you didn't see this sooner. It is akin to an epiphany.

I eventually learned that the only person you need approv…

The masterpiece of Diego Velazquez.

Once again Democrats will be playing it safe. Joe Biden is thinking of running, perhaps thinking his name recognition alone will be a boon to his candidacy. Maybe it will be Beto O'Rourke; who knows.

American politics is just a game and covers up the reality that the core problems which need tending to will stay on the back burner. So long as money runs the business, there will be nothing done about improving the lives of ordinary Americans who desperately need it. The citizens of Flint Michigan, for example, are dealing with drinking water laced with lead but that isn't a priority.

The sycophantic program Fox and Friends licks this president's backside as he prepares to face numerous investigations for multiple illegal offenses but none of that matters as long as his base believes he is a shrewd business man instead of a mean-spirited idiot. How some people can be so easily misled astounds me to no end.

Bernie Sanders will once again be sold as the man who is not electabl…

Angela was looking for a place to sit and I offered my table because the place was busy. She had her pastry and her coffee and sat down diagonally from me. At first we each kept to ourselves but at some point I said something I cannot recall which jumpstarted the conversation.

She is in her thirties, from China and works as a business analyst. She's been in Canada for seven years, is single and looking. Her traditional parents are already getting nervous that she is too picky and taking her sweet time about it.

We talked about each other's views on this topic because it interested her. She wanted to know my experience and opinion as a woman of Eurepean extraction who's been here most of her life. What I told her bristled against some of her pragmatism surrounding marriage which to me sounded a lot like a business transaction between two people. Her metric for knowing that someone loved you is that they paid for everything.

"What about when the woman makes more?"…

This lovely little gem was the first Billy Joel tune I learned on the piano. It is from what is arguably his most famous and best album "The Stranger"...

How a core gender identity is developed is not fully understood. Yes, the fetus is initially female until a wash of testosterone (in the case of males) changes the physical characteristics before birth. How that process completes itself and how the rearing of the child is conducted must both contribute towards the development of their core gender identification.

I was a first born who had two sisters follow in quick succession plus my father, who was a reserved intellectual, also did not necessarily provide me with a looming masculine presence. As a result, I remember thinking of myself as almost genderless as a child and did not have a strongly developed sense of being a male.

I eventually did learn to do all the things I was expected to but my core identity remained essentially female. I just kept quiet about it.

How much nature plays into the initial equation is hard to know, but there are many cases of the only boy born into a family of mostly girls who does not become transsexual…

I can relate to much of what is expressed in this video but in reverse. Of course I couldn't be nearly as transparent as Moranda is here when I was his age...

Quebec is not much different from the rest of North America. We have a homogeneous rural countryside pitted against increasingly diverse urban centers; a formula which only serves to entrench the cultural and political differences.

America is much the same, with blue cities surrounded by expanses of red in numerous states. The diverse populations of these cities contrast against the mostly white and conservative voters who increasingly cannot relate to communities who do not share their values.

I am not certain there is a simple solution for this, but if politicians were more interested in uniting rather playing division politics they would find more common ground issues to focus on. For example, everyone is interested in better health care, jobs, education and the environment but instead politicians are focusing on issues like immigration control and abortion which divide the voters and fan the flames of passionate opinions.

If this approach continues, America will be hopelessly divi…

Family gatherings are wonderful and at the same time they're not. They can be reminders of the spaces that time and experience creates between people who grew up in the same household. Their uniqueness is even further magnified by the pairings we produce with people who themselves bring a diverse background into a marriage.

I am present but am removed as well and reflect on how the years have shaped all our grown children; their diverse opinions and behavioural traits speak volumes about the reality that, at our root, we are all solitary creatures who mostly live inside our own heads.

Robert comes to me and asks me if he looks okay. The sadness in his eyes betrays his inability to hide that his schizophrenia greatly perturbs him. He wants to get off his meds and yet he cannot because the voices will return even stronger. At 24 there is still much hope that something will be found to solve this most virulent strain of his disease. He watches everyone for tell tale signs that they a…

I displaced my father as the Christmas Eve pianist and now my nephew Jacob has displaced me. The younger set gathers around him to sing more modern fare that they like instead of traditional carols.

My children and I went to the 5 pm service and afterwards my son expressed his disinterest in the church; he must find his own spirituality which he professes he has. My daughter goes to her boyfriend's non-denominational service and she also prefers that to Catholic mass.

Time moves on and things change and maybe that's the way it should be.

Joanna is attending her first dinner party on Saturday the 29th. Patricia is having people over and also presenting the sales pitch for the company. I am looking forward to it with the tiniest degree of degree of trepidation of course.

Every new experience is always like this.

I am going to be dressing semi casual and will wear boots there because it is winter. I will however bring a pair of black pumps to change into; likely the patent ones I just bought. My outfit will look something like the picture below.

Should be fun and interesting I hope.

I have also decided with Patricia that going forward any association I have with her company will be as Joanna.

There are so many people in this world who have so little. We are exceedingly blessed where we live that we have access to clean water, a roof over our head and food in our stomachs. I think about this more during this season as I see the rampant materialism all around me.

While the best things in life in this world are free, there are certain basics whose absence reduces our ability to be content. The love of our spouses, family and friends and the ability to share of our lives with them are among those core things that are essential to our lives but we cannot truly enjoy those if we fall below the poverty line.

Hence, no matter how bad things might seem to you from where you sit, there is always someone who has it worse. Poverty has gone up in North America over the last 30 years and every metropolitan center has seen an increase in the number of people who live in the street. These are the people who have fallen off the grid and don't show up in those employment statistics tha…

I want to wish anyone who reads my blog peace during this holiday season. We run around, we entertain and then collapse into stupors trying to recover our energy while bracing for yet another year. Life is short and full of challenges and we lose ourselves in the routine. As I age, I try and focus more on the little things that bring joy to what is often the mundaneness of our existence.

Those of us who have searched for our identities for so long should relax in the knowledge that the world has never been this primed for us. Finding your center has never been more possible in a world that is being obliged, often kicking and screaming, to accept diversity in all its forms.

There is balance to be found in escaping the artificiality that society thrives on and you will thank yourself for having the courage to redefine who you are on your own terms. Take a page from Jean Paul Sartre and look at things from a different angle and witness the ridiculous contained in our every day realities.…

There's no better compliment than being called a beautiful woman by other women and I don't take that lightly. I will admit that it is extremely affirming and goes to the root of any insecurities I may have had in the past about presenting as Joanna. I had nothing to do with my physical features but I hope these women were picking up a vibe about how I feel inside these days. I hope it is that which is radiating outwards because that is much more important to me. I want them to see the reflection of a woman who is sure of herself and proud to be who she is; someone who carries herself with confidence and a smile.

Everytime I am complimented I thank these ladies profusely and I think about the long journey to get to this junction of my life. I am not nearly as unhappy as I used to be to possess somewhat feminine features but I am much happier to be able to supplement them with a smile that heartily comes from my soul.

A little girl not older than 8 was staring at me yesterday a…

My brain tends to go into loop analysis, but this is not healthy when there is no additional information coming in. What you are then left with is an exercise akin to a cow chewing its cud; the mental equivalent of being stuck in neutral.

After my breakup I was stuck in this mode for a very long time. You play out scenarios in your head of who said what when; what should have been said haunts you and you play out sequences until you can do so no longer. This is not healthy, but it is unfortunately one of the pitfalls in the way my mind processes things; perhaps one of the developed habits of a scientific education.

Once a decision has been taken we need to move on and a repair process needs to happen but that means that you need to accept the result. When there are even small seeds of doubt you will play things in your mind like a tape; usually over and over. The human tendency to romanticize our lives with a former partner feed into this form of self flagellation. We remember some o…

It's fascinating to be in a crowded cafe or anywhere else and be completely ignored. You just fit in and the odd glance coming your way is routine because you are just another woman.

It took me a long time to get to a point which has now become anticlimactic; the point of almost being boring. But boring is also often good because it represents safety and comfort. I am the same person on the inside but the envelope has changed a bit. There are adjustments I make to voice, movement and to posture but that's about it. Yet it feels right. It is amazing how, the great majority of the time, there is little difference between the genders. I can really see that now.

I have given myself permission to change the wrapping and interact a little differently except that the tension that used to accompany all this is completely gone.

Yes, boring can be good.

I must admit that I am more perplexed than ever by today’s version of conservatism.

On the one hand there is the FOX News variety of xenophobic pablum fed to its increasingly geriatric audience which is easy to lampoon. FOX is a coalition of haters of all things different and scares its lower education viewers with visions of liberal radicals coming to destroy their traditional red state American values. This exists in other places of the world only that is more pronounced and bigger than life in the US.

In its simplest terms, conservatism is about keeping things the same and not being open to change. Today it encompasses under one umbrella: religious conservatives, racists, as well as the more traditional libertarian haters of government in an uneasy coalition. Those who are more fiscally minded don’t necessarily buy into the more extreme elements, but they have little choice because there is safety in numbers and conservatism isn’t handily picking up new converts.

Millennials overal…

Dissenters keep painting themselves into corners. They want to use mental illness as the reason for our existence but then most trans people are extremely high functioning. We occupy just about every known profession including some of the most challenging intellectually. Then there is being trans as social contagion which doesn't sound quite right either since no one in their right mind would choose to have the complexity of their life increase exponentially. Add to that those who think we want to take over female privilege (in other words, go down a few notches in social stature) and you begin to see the cracks in their argumentation rather easily.

It's called grasping at straws.

Societal change is inevitable and trans people are the last set of humanity that stayed hidden as long as it possibly could. But we will no longer hide or be erased.

Over the last couple of years, models Geena Rocero and Teddy Quinlivan came out as transgender when they didn't have to. Both were …

Canada is generally a progressive country but the election of a conservative provincial government in Ontario has ruffled the feathers of the transgender community. Here is the testimonial of one trans woman who won't stand for prejudice. Oh, and one of those so called expert dissenters she refers to is named Ray :)

"Let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Rita OLink. I am a 64-year-old transgender woman with grandchildren. I am with TG Innerselves, a Sudbury-based transgender support group, and I work with transgender people, especially children, throughout northeastern Ontario. What I am is not a choice or a lifestyle. This is who I am.

On Nov. 17, the Ontario Progressive Conservative Party passed a resolution that contains the following: it states gender identity theory is “a highly controversial, unscientific liberal ideology; as such, an Ontario PC government will remove the teaching and promotion of gender identity theory from Ontario schools and its curriculum.”

…