leaving the cynic behind

I observe people differently at my age and I can't help but introduce a kind of jadedness into the exercise. As we live longer we recognize certain patterns in people. Their insecurities are more easy to detect and their weaknesses almost worn like a badge.

This is not meant to be as much a putdown as it sounds. Perhaps it is fatigue of dealing with so many characters over the years; I dont know.

When I was younger there were less discernible patterns to human behavior because I hadn't yet absorbed enough of the world. Now it appears that abundant familiarity with personality types has me feeling that I have almost seen too much. There is a commonality to people which binds us together but then the branches which grow from that root in terms of life experience, separate us.

I am trying to stay patient with the archetypes I do not favor because I know there are redeeming qualities in all of us, but then those similar patterns show their face and threaten to unravel that patience.

Even the possibility of love seems more remote than ever as I attempt to leave this sense of cynicism behind. I often wonder, when reflecting on the misfires of others as well as my own, whether it's a worthwhile venture at all and in particular for a trans person.




Comments

  1. There are no promises in life, of course. I was in a similar mood when I accepted that a life without denial spent alone would suit me just fine. Fate and love intervened.
    I wish you and others who tread our path the same.

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