Skip to main content


The daughter of one of my work colleagues attends a school where gender non-conforming kids are acknowledged. This surprised me when I first heard it but then I realized that it wasn’t such a far-fetched idea. My own biased education was conspiring against the reality that a small but not negligible portion of the population does not identify comfortably as either gender.

What gender we feel we are has little to do with our genitals. We don’t look down at them and suddenly have an epiphany but rather that understanding begins to be germinated in our brains relatively early in life. Evidently, how someone sees themselves must not be entirely independent of biology because most people seem to fit within a role aligned with birth sex. To say that everyone does however, would be erroneous because we now have plenty of evidence to the contrary.

If you really think about it, how exactly would physical plumbing determine a gender identity?

We know that most people do their best to fit in and that socialization is an extremely strong determinant in establishing social behavior and mode of presentation. The price of shunning being so significant, most will do their utmost to fit into their boxes unless that person’s identity is so radically misaligned with birth sex that it cannot even be faked. Those who today still believe that birth sex categorically and consistently determines gender identity haven’t been paying attention because there is sufficient evidence that the model of a spectrum is better suited to explain humanity. Yes, most people will fit within the bands of acceptability, but others will not and the more we release the reins of control over expectation the more you will see people diverge from the acting roles they have bought into. This is precisely what we are seeing with these young people today.

People who are today older and whose gender identification aligned comfortably with their birth sex don’t get it and now accuse these youngsters of joining an entirely fabricated movement. Except this view is clearly false and the alienation these kids feel from the proposed social model causes a “rocking of the boat” effect that doesn’t suit things as they are now built. Add to that religious beliefs that have no allowance for such variability, and you can see how they can become targets of derision.

The cries of the establishment however, will not change the fact that these people do not feel like they are told they are supposed to.

Image result for gender nonconforming


Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...

my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…