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beast

Even if I go out every day as Joanna, I know that dysphoria can hit me unannounced at any moment.

I was waiting for my coffee yesterday and a young woman wearing the cutest pair of heels was standing right close to me and it just triggered it. The way she dipped in and out of them wasn't helping either and had me wondering to myself why my own feet were not nestled in those very shoes.

I am now at the point in my life where not going out every single day is difficult to tolerate, and I know this will be a bit of an issue during my trip with my children. I plan to distract myself as much as I can and will simply return to my routine immediately upon returning home.

Gender dysphoria can be a brutal beast and I have experienced horrendous bouts over the course of my life during times when I was in far worse positions to do anything about it. Experiencing it today under my current circumstances pales in comparison to how bad it used to be.


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No, I don't mind

When Halle and I last got together the woman serving us said:

"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"

Arguably the statement wasn't the most elegant thing to say to perfect strangers but it made me reflect.

The thing is I don't mind wearing a bra because it is one more reminder that I am trans. Feeling my breast forms pressed up against my skin and cupped within the confines of my bra makes me comfortable and is another piece which contributes towards soothing my gender dysphoria.

There are days when the combination of the feel of my bra and forms, the pull of my dangly earrings and the feel of my feet in heels is a powerful combination which feeds my soul. I used to think this was me fooling myself until I finally admitted that my identity is being affirmed through these accoutrements. They are like badges that allow me to be addressed and treated in the manner I want; like a woman.

The gender identity of cis people is fed in …