Skip to main content


Contrast self compassion with self esteem for they are not the same.

Self esteem involves comparison with others and says: I am okay in spite of not having achieved something. Self compassion, on the other hand, is about forgiveness of self and giving oneself a break when we fail.

I think this is a lovely resolution for 2019 and better than going to the gym to lose those few extra pounds.

Self compassion is what we might want to strive for this year because as our own harshest critics we can find an oasis in this wonderful place. As Alexander Pope said;

"To err is human; to forgive, divine"

Hence I will try and work on the divine and practice forgiving myself for my natural failings as a human. I will make self compassion a part of my self improvement in 2019.

We are on our own case about everything we do and spend hours castigating ourselves for so many things we do not always have perfect control over. Our lives are complicated enough as they are so we can use that extra bit of forgiveness to help heal ourselves.

It goes without saying that compassion should be extended to others as well.


  1. Amazing that we both seem to be focused on self-compassion around the same time. It's not a new year's resolution for me but it's certainly something I'm working on.

    A good friend recently suggested a book, "Self-Compassion," (good name, right?) by Kristin Neff. I'm reading a few pages each morning with my first cup of coffee, and then, trying to absorb her wisdom into my life by doing the exercises.

    1. As trans people we are particularly vulnerable to being harsh with ourselves. The simple reason is that we continually disappointed by not being able to get with the program. Each failure added another layer of intolerance towards ourselves. To reverse this takes time and effort but it is so worthwhile


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

let's please read carefully

This post is prompted by a recent comment I received to one of my older posts and I wanted to address it.

I used to wonder why some transgender people accepted Blanchard’s work until I think I figured out why: they may not have examined it closely enough. They would experience cross gender arousal and then accept it was Autogynephilia without properly understanding what the term meant and what the theory said: it is an invented sexual “illness” which makes people transition. In other words, it is the arousal itself which causes this desire and not a pre-existing gender identity which does not align with birth sex. Of course, Blanchard has no explanation for the origin of his proposed “illness” only that it is a form of sexual deviance.

My counter proposal? we transition despite this arousal. In other words, the transgender identity is pre-existing and the arousal is the result of the mismatching of burgeoning sexual feelings towards females and this misaligned identity; it is not per…