Skip to main content

resolution

Contrast self compassion with self esteem for they are not the same.

Self esteem involves comparison with others and says: I am okay in spite of not having achieved something. Self compassion, on the other hand, is about forgiveness of self and giving oneself a break when we fail.

I think this is a lovely resolution for 2019 and better than going to the gym to lose those few extra pounds.

Self compassion is what we might want to strive for this year because as our own harshest critics we can find an oasis in this wonderful place. As Alexander Pope said;

"To err is human; to forgive, divine"

Hence I will try and work on the divine and practice forgiving myself for my natural failings as a human. I will make self compassion a part of my self improvement in 2019.

We are on our own case about everything we do and spend hours castigating ourselves for so many things we do not always have perfect control over. Our lives are complicated enough as they are so we can use that extra bit of forgiveness to help heal ourselves.

It goes without saying that compassion should be extended to others as well.


Comments

  1. Amazing that we both seem to be focused on self-compassion around the same time. It's not a new year's resolution for me but it's certainly something I'm working on.

    A good friend recently suggested a book, "Self-Compassion," (good name, right?) by Kristin Neff. I'm reading a few pages each morning with my first cup of coffee, and then, trying to absorb her wisdom into my life by doing the exercises.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As trans people we are particularly vulnerable to being harsh with ourselves. The simple reason is that we continually disappointed by not being able to get with the program. Each failure added another layer of intolerance towards ourselves. To reverse this takes time and effort but it is so worthwhile

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…