I remember my father telling me I had to go to church every Sunday and questioning that as I grew older. While the sister after me was able to enter into a religious order, I needed to be convinced as to why I should believe in the possibility of a higher power.
If something is a mystery I need to wrap my brain around it and comprehend it. Going by feel was never good enough.
However, at a certain point there is a leap of faith which must be taken because we have run out of road. The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard's own search for the divine ended in this ultimate conclusion when he realized that the human mind is limited in its scope of attempting to find the origins of God. It must be the same for us transgender people in solving our own development. At a certain point we must surrender to going by instinctive feeling.
To a great degree this is what I have done and found peace in doing so. The fascination continues but it has taken a back seat to the power of a spirit which has found a calm resignation in simply being.