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the movement of time

My son wanted to visit his grandfather’s grave and going there made me experience a fit of nostalgia. I hadn’t been there in close to 20 years because I don’t think I will find anything special by standing in front of a headstone. The legacy of my father lives in my memory which is the best place to reach out to it when I need to.

He died 24 years ago this month and driving to the cemetery made me think how fast time flows and how we are amazed when we realize how many years have passed when it doesn’t feel that way. My son will experience the same thing when he gets older but for now he is embroiled in that part of his life where he is building his psyche for the future. He is in that stasis where a foundation has yet to be built so you can look back one day and realize you have a wealth of knowledge you can rely on.

For now, we still have coffees and talk about where he is before I lose him for a period. He will begin to test his mettle and possibly find someone he can be close to and experience love with. I tell him to take his time and perhaps he will use my own life to date as a cautionary bellwether of what can happen. Fortunately, he doesn’t have the trans issue to contend with, but then he will no doubt have his own set of challenges.

I used to joke with people that life is a like a roll of bathroom tissue in that it doesn’t come off very easily at the outset but near the end it just falls off without barely touching it. It may be a coarse analogy, but this is in a sense how it feels like to me now.

It simply flies.

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If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…