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whole

The more dressing becomes routine the more its luster is reduced which I very much like. You focus more on how you feel instead of what you wear. Yes, you like to be presentable but you also just want to blend in to experience the world as yourself. That person I present as isn't a caricature of a woman but instead as much a fleshed out version as possible; the image of who I would be had I been born as one.

At 56 years of age, I am more than okay with living between the genders and have made my peace with it. It is also something I might have wanted to discover earlier on in my life. Joanna gets around the world every day for a while but she is not put back entirely into her box because she lives within me always. To borrow a reference from Jung, the animus have been completely fused into one being who is entirely and completely whole.

Our personhood is certainly more than about gender and its presentation but it is also an aspect which cannot easily be ignored. That impetus to test its boundaries and to experiment with it, seems to be something primordial and deeply rooted in our psyches from a young age. How we manage and accept that calling is the key to our liberation as unique individuals. How to express it is also entirely up to us.

Our focus must be on the internals and ignore the trappings which distract us from our primary mission: which should be to become ourselves.


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