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The more dressing becomes routine the more its luster is reduced which I very much like. You focus more on how you feel instead of what you wear. Yes, you like to be presentable but you also just want to blend in to experience the world as yourself. That person I present as isn't a caricature of a woman but instead as much a fleshed out version as possible; the image of who I would be had I been born as one.

At 56 years of age, I am more than okay with living between the genders and have made my peace with it. It is also something I might have wanted to discover earlier on in my life. Joanna gets around the world every day for a while but she is not put back entirely into her box because she lives within me always. To borrow a reference from Jung, the animus have been completely fused into one being who is entirely and completely whole.

Our personhood is certainly more than about gender and its presentation but it is also an aspect which cannot easily be ignored. That impetus to test its boundaries and to experiment with it, seems to be something primordial and deeply rooted in our psyches from a young age. How we manage and accept that calling is the key to our liberation as unique individuals. How to express it is also entirely up to us.

Our focus must be on the internals and ignore the trappings which distract us from our primary mission: which should be to become ourselves.


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…