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why stay

I am in complete awe of women who can stay married to partners who transition from male to female. I suppose I don't understand viscerally why they stay. My own marriage ended over what was, at that time, sporadic and secretive crossdressing but then that was really just the cover story and we had other issues.

Women who stay with their partners must really have been able to catch a glimpse of the soul they are with and, after a tough period of adjustment, they continue to be in love with that spirit contained in a vessel which has been transformed. It must not be easy because there are far more cases of rejection than acceptance in the lives of the transgender people whose stories I am familiar with. My own life has drastically changed since that divorce of over 10 years ago and I know myself much better. A decision has been made to hold steadfast to an identity that cannot be altered and isn't in need of repair. It is the world that is far more in need of conversion therapy than I am.

We do our best to stick to vows we have made but those partners didn't sign up for something quite so drastic and be forced to re-examine their own sexuality. In the end there must obviously be a much stronger adhesive that allows them to stay which I hope is more than just fashioned from the fear of being alone. It's a shame we are often obliged to choose between authenticity and remaining with a partner who does not treasure something which so intrinsically defines us. Yet there are many of you living in those predicaments today and are doing your best between managing dysphoria and loving as strongly as you can.

Therefore, I raise my glass to those uniquely rare women who have been able to recognize they are with a kindred spirit and have come out on the other side perhaps even more uniquely bonded to them.


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