no one pushing but me

I am slated to see Dr. Morris again in July and to be honest I don’t exactly know what I am going to say to him. After meeting me, he was open to letting me decide what I want to do as he could clearly see that I was transgender. He told me he has seen very few patients as advanced as I am who have never taken hormones before.

He smartly suggested nothing which I very much admired because, if he had, it would have made me suspicious that he was trying to push me in a certain direction. If anything, he asked why I would want to begin HRT given that it would quash my libido. However, libido is hardly a concern of mine these days and I am more reflecting on just how far into full time I need and want to take my life as Joanna.

Right now, outside of work I am virtually already living full time as a woman with the only question remaining whether that ever goes to full time with a corresponding change of gender marker. This can of course be accomplished without taking hormones so there is great flexibility. I have plenty of time to think about this and, with no one pushing me in one direction or the other, a calmness has installed itself in me which I find very soothing. I also have carte blanche from my kids no matter what I do.

Right now, I am just basking in the peace of mind of feeling perfectly right in your skin and I am loving feeling closer to the way everyone else does who has never questioned their gender. It's really quite an amazing and freeing experience and one I never thought possible.

Image result for woman feeling peaceful

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