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no one pushing but me

I am slated to see Dr. Morris again in July and to be honest I don’t exactly know what I am going to say to him. After meeting me, he was open to letting me decide what I want to do as he could clearly see that I was transgender. He told me he has seen very few patients as advanced as I am who have never taken hormones before.

He smartly suggested nothing which I very much admired because, if he had, it would have made me suspicious that he was trying to push me in a certain direction. If anything, he asked why I would want to begin HRT given that it would quash my libido. However, libido is hardly a concern of mine these days and I am more reflecting on just how far into full time I need and want to take my life as Joanna.

Right now, outside of work I am virtually already living full time as a woman with the only question remaining whether that ever goes to full time with a corresponding change of gender marker. This can of course be accomplished without taking hormones so there is great flexibility. I have plenty of time to think about this and, with no one pushing me in one direction or the other, a calmness has installed itself in me which I find very soothing. I also have carte blanche from my kids no matter what I do.

Right now, I am just basking in the peace of mind of feeling perfectly right in your skin and I am loving feeling closer to the way everyone else does who has never questioned their gender. It's really quite an amazing and freeing experience and one I never thought possible.

Image result for woman feeling peaceful

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love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…