Skip to main content

off balance

Ideally, you should have a solid understanding of yourself before you can give and accept love from another. This is universal and should apply to everyone.

If not we will fall victim to our own or their baggage and constantly be subject to its festering wounds. For some of us its childhood trauma and some unresolved issue with a parent who is now deceased. For others it will be abandonment issues and feeling insecure in our skin such that the partner becomes a panacea that never does the trick.

The other person doesn't make us happy but we are lulled into this illusion via the advertisement of romantic love as a cure all from more than just loneliness. With time that promise feels more like a lie we should have been able to read. It is we who make ourselves happy or miserable and the partner is an addition who can bring richness or tragedy with the understanding that compromise cannot be avoided. Even if you have your act together, their trauma may add complexity which forces you off balance and breed regret where at the outset there was only the euphoria of burgeoning pheromones.

We come to understand this difficult balance with time and many of us are currently living in situations where we suffer. But if at least we detach and realize that we cannot shoulder all of the partner's ills we will be one step closer to internal balance.

To a great degree romantic love is an illusion which becomes evident with the passage of time. But if we are fortunate enough, we will have set down enough roots of familiarity of experience to make separation less palatable than the alternative.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…