Hence, being a transgender child who saw themselves in opposition to this reality was akin to the worst brand of heresy. The answer for many of us lay in ignoring who we were in hopes that it was just a phase.
Of course, in retrospect it wasn't, but at the time it seemed like our natures were a self mutilating exercise hell bent on undoing something which was part of our birthright and seen as favorable. To reject your own role as a boy and then a man was something almost unholy; and indeed for most religions it remains so today.
This is entirely fabricated, but to a young child and then an adolescent, it didn't seem that way at the time. We were rejecting a God given patriarchy which was not only an invitation for derision but a spit in the eye of everything our society held dear. It was to be a form of treason. Hence, I was to be a cardboard cutout of everyone else who was born male and any infringement into the other territory would be considered an odd, obsessive and perverse aberration.
Working my way back from this false education took more years than is to my liking but, in examining the structure of society so closely, it made me realize just how many other ideas were simply constructed artificially to suit the power structures in place. There is no great logic to them and much of the foundation lay in the notion that "might makes for right". Men held the power, hence they controlled the dialogue.
I have little trouble taking ownership of my femininity today and cherish it to the point where I see being a woman as being equal if not favorable to being a man. Reversing this view on my education is what helped me reach self acceptance and find joy in the person I was meant to be.
Femininity contains its own brand of power and there is no shame in that whatsoever. In fact, it should be reason enough to rejoice.