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taking your time

Transition can take as little or as long as you need and take on many forms. You may need to physically transition, socially transition or simply transition from being closeted to being out in the world as a fully self-accepting transgender person. This is the beauty of today: there is room for all of us.

I have yet to see where my resting point lies on my journey but that doesn't stress me in the least as I am very much enjoying the ride. I want to savor every facet of the trip rather than hurry from point A to point B. My progression has been dramatic over the years but it has taken decades instead of a few years with that surefootedness the reason I am able to know I am at the right place at each junction of my life.

Yes, it's been a long haul but I don't believe it's been wasted time. Instead it's been an experience I will continue to savor even more heartily as I advance in age now devoid of the distress and angst that used to accompany me.

Remember that you're not on anyone else's timeline but your own so take the time you need. Because it's your life.


  1. Gosh, I never thought I'd be where I am today, just out and about as me, Emma, anywhere, anytime. Only three weeks ago I had gender confirmation and breast augmentation surgeries. Still recovering but improving, slowly, daily.

    This last Monday I finalized my surgical plan for facial surgery for mid-April. My surgeon said that we could save some things for later. that there's no rush. Easy for him to say. I'll be 63 in May and honestly I look forward to having surgeries behind me. I don't know how remarkably feminine I'll appear. I hope more so but at this point I'm okay with being about as done as I will be.

    I'm excited to live my life. I want to backpack, hike, and travel. Who knows who I'll meet or what experiences I'll have. No matter, I'll be my authentic self so even if I'm misgendered I just am myself, a good lesbian who happens to be of transgender experience.

    1. Wow Emna I did not know you had the surgery. I am very glad for you and wish you a speedy recovery my friend. How life can surprise us and lead us to a place where we never thought we would be. Good on you!

    2. The FFS can be quite dramatic and I hope he showed you a simulation of what your face will look like after...

  2. I've learned that FFS is really like assembling an omelet from a menu of ingredients and, for me, I wish to find a balance that gives me just enough. Determining that is tough! After having several consults, here's my list:
    1. Face and neck lift - just to tighten the skin, remove slight jowls.
    2. Insert a chin implant, which is a subtle feminine feature.
    3. Upper lip turn up make it more feminine; also reduce the area between the bottom of my nose and the top of the upper lip - more feminine.
    4. Raise my eyebrows while also reducing my forehead, perhaps 1cm.

    A month later (mid-May) I'll be receiving an overall laser peel on my face which will remove age spots and other discolorations. And then, I think that will be it.

    He feels that my nose is satisfactory (ambiguous) as-is. We could do more on the forehead and hairline but that would involve inserting a tissue expander, gradually increasing the skin over three months. I'm lucky that in general my facial skin is aging and weathering well. Also, that I don't have a brow ridge or Adam's apple.

    I did have a consult with another surgeon who did some Photoshop-like modeling. These simulations are so far from reality that I think they are of limited help. She had me undergo some full-face x-rays beforehand so she could see the underlying structure but of course doesn't really know what she'd have when operating. And then there's the hugely unpredictable nature of recovery.

    Although I'd of course love to be considered "pretty" but what's that? Certainly in the context of my frame and body I'll never be a model or actress. I think we have to consider our goals. Mine is largely to remove much of the male "cues" that people unconsciously use when they misgender me even when my clothing, jewelry, and all, is unequivocally feminine. After that, looking a little more youthful is like cherries on the sundae!


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