veil

I had spent so much of my existence living off the vapors of guilt that it is hard to get used to not to having it as a companion. The reprogramming required to eradicate it must virtually descend to the molecular level.

Guilt is a wasted emotion especially when you haven't done anything wrong other than be who you are. It is so pervasive however, that even when you know this intellectually, there is no simple elimination from its constant presence in your life.

From a young age it became such a steady companion that you almost miss when it isn't there. In fact, you can feel guilt about not feeling guilt which is why it must be removed in layers like one does with old persistent paint; the process slow and steady until one day you realize you are there in the absence of fanfare.

Those of us who think we hurt others by being genuine are living in that fog which will not lift so long as we consider our nature the potential source for causing them pain. We cannot understand the way they feel because we are unable to lift that veil of culpability which skews our perspective and will not let the full light to come in.


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