blend

I used to feel like I was selling myself; like I had to convince people of who they were meeting. My primary problem was that I didn't have confidence in my thinking that they were able to see a woman.

Yesterday over coffee Patricia said to me:

"But that's all I see" and I knew she meant it.

I go about my business everywhere and I can see that I have blended into the background of life. I am greeted ebulliantly by people who know me and mostly ignored by those who don't. Subway rides used to be the type of thing to think about in advance as if some sort of challenge but they too have faded into normalcy and I stand in a crowded car without a second thought. That anticlimactic feeling is what I appreciate as there is nothing to overthink. I can just feel completely free.

I did a quick head count of all the people I see regularly whether they be friends, acquaintances, baristas, merchants, the receptionist at my car dealer or the check out girls at the supermarket and the list is very long. They know and see a real person and not a caricature because I am being me and there is no better feeling than that.



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