Skip to main content

embraced

"Hey gorgeous"

She leans over the counter and stares me square in the eyes.

"Don't say that" I retort

"Why not? that's what you are" she insists

She is my son's age and cute as a button and she chats with me while she prepares my coffee. She has the longest lashes I have ever seen which no doubt got a little bit of help.

I haven't changed anything except that I am hyper confident as a woman. I know who I am and that resonates with people who see me; at least that's what I tell myself. I think there is no substitute for drilling down to your core and discovering who you are which has always been predominantly female. It doesn't matter how hard I tried to disguise it; nothing was going to change it. Now that my concious mind knows it there is nothing else left for me except regale in it.

We can run but we cannot hide and eventually she catches up with you begging you to see the girl in the mirror and embrace her.

"I am you"

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…